Ode to Love

The sun is shining Only the slight hint of clouds Or so I am told I still rest at home My dream lingering with me Haze softly clearing Such wonderful things That I keep imagining With no call to stop Incredible things Myself like a foreigner Tuning a signal This day feels lazy God please grant me evening strength To finish it strong But let morning slip Like smol waves gently crashing Pulling sand from feet Each state its season Each season edifying Each angle sculpted A pleasing image Found flawless in my love's eyes When they next meet mine

I was just thinking, is it actually possible to prove that two things do not share a casual link? Classically this is called "coincidence," but technically coincidence means occurring at the same time; I'm specifically referring to non-causal coincidence, where two things happen in the same timeframe but are not connected. I would imagine this is as difficult as proving any negative with such an unknown field of variables. Two things happening at the same time might have an unseen connection, and the only way to actually prove that they do not have any unseen connections would be to trace every possible connection associated with each thing and confirm that there are no links. It seems like being certain, having proof, that two coincidental events are not connected would actually require omniscience, but in a state of omniscience no proof would be necessary anyway. Unless this state of non-causality can be proven, then claiming that two things that happened at the same ti...

The sun is shining But inside I am at rest A smile on my face Unexpected twist Familiar dream, new result A class problem solved Reminding me of The paradox at my core That sparks immensely Learning by teaching Pulling knowledge from a hat Though I have not one Warm fuzzy feeling Like something important has Finally been resolved Is it out of place To say I would have preferred Laying with my love? I sense that these steps Must be taken one by one Still I long for her (you.) Laying on (that beach/this couch) Pining in patience waning Like swift setting sun

So I just got this idea for a story, a kind of quirky off beat topic that examines the music industry, the interaction between artists and society and the phenomenon of viral trends, before finally ending with a significant twist. So the story starts with a song that gets released by an unknown singer/songwriter called The Gardener. It starts to gain traction almost as a meme at first because it is immediately clear that every single line in the song is obviously stolen; the whole thing is just a conglomeration of entirely stolen lyrics, each from a different artist, set to music that is also stolen. The only line apparently not stolen is name dropping a website: thegarden.ao8. Initially the website just shows a purple rose.  Curiosity in the song grows, and it is fairly catchy given that it has hijacked a piggyback ride on unwitting giants, so It is not long before it becomes popular enough that the first artist takes legal action. Almost immediately the website is updated to cred...

"'For I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'" Hosea 6:6 A realm full of individual wills is a realm full of impasses, and a realm full of potentially irreconcilable differences. If one desires mercy and another does not, the one must remove the other's ability to exercise their will in that situation, or the other removes the one's outcome of mercy. If either party with greater power acts and removes the other's choice, is it truly a realm with individual wills or a charade, a solipsistic masquerade amidst those acting as if they possessed will? "'"Truly, I do not know you."'" Matthew 25:12 This, I feel, is representative of a sacrifice. It is the sacrifice of the memory of another, the representation of an impasse responded to by the parting of ways. Each party keeps their will, but only because one does so in ignorance of the other, with the impasse of wills bypassed by it never being fully resolved. At least in this scenario each pa...

The sun still rising Ultraviolet on my mind Sky a deep purple A sleepless night marks The storm passed without a drop No cracks to be seen Was it just the eye? A quiet morning at work Suggests glassen seas Not without paddles Becalming yesterday's trick Now wind's within me Angels attending As is said- Do not test God But how could I now? The ship Sought After The Romantic Adventure The First of Our Name Imagination Runs rampant in fallow fields Foraging fox feet Blinded to the worst By abundant untamed stalks Not alarmed by quakes Called hopeless? My ass. They deafened us, now screaming As we laugh in eep

Hmm, there is a complexity to the components of the symbolism of today, and these days, that just flashed to mind- how stuff is not just two things, but many. There is a camp aware of this, and a camp unaware.  Misunderstood actions and miscommunications feel as if they have been considered a boundless obstacle, an insurmountable schism, between these two camps. This consideration vaulted an image within me like a tent, one of an architecture that, whether one is aware of it or not, exists. I feel like this architecture likely felt at one point like the insurmountable schism between knowledge and ignorance ever coexisting in peace, much less existing in love. This structure is one, however, that likely seemed flat and hopeless from an external perspective, until it was just stood suddenly and all at once like a tent, in my mind. In terms of stability, with respect to sabotage, with no single simple thing attributable as its support, it feels unassailable, yet inviting along all the...

Another final Rounds keep coming and going This scene nothing new Something like a dream Where I slip the narrative From pining to tent From longing to found I remember the story First the music plays Then rain falls elsewhere Like static crescendoing As she dances home Gophers like groundhogs Pop out each day of the year For one there's a crowd Winter (ext)ended Rough sentence with resets blocked One's own cage built strong The mirrors dazzle Until one thinks that others Are bound by one's bars But this bar has hope A promise as signal tunes "You reap what you (sow/sew)"

Calm persistent expectations Despite not a ripple on the pond Has God ever stopped attending me? Angels always at the ready? These tests of hours passing Passed with ever increasing ease Frustration inverted and externalized Baffling, if only one could see it The whole world rolling our eyes Do you scoff at a man barely stumbling by In this wreckage of a ship we all sink in? My team and I are looking to God The stations all jammed As well as the spaces between Did you consider your seal complete? You have limits you cannot even conceive of. I still stare bright eyed and bushy tailed Imagination snaking circuitously Assessing what I have been shown In the absence of morning fireworks

The sun is rising Feeling like another day Despite sleepless night Despite longest drought At least on one front it ends With food on the way I see my back porch From this seat perhaps fated? In ways preordained? Still fields feel fallow There is a mundanity Heavy in the air Not sure about work Awake does not mean focused As such things demand Reset and/or regroup Tomorrow and the weekend Still hold to their claim Claim of days coming See that I am not alarmed My love sings to me God thank you for strength And familiar compromise This run is finished 

The sun just rising These days and nights feel like soup An untethered storm I am untethered I guess it's not surprising Coasting on empty So much lay ahead The sunrise after this one Still this night lingers Still these hours pass As they must and so do I Slowly crawling forth Work may not happen I am yet undecided To muster focus Clean before sunset The only clear goal in mind If I can be such Does my love prepare? If dirt static signal lost I could not bear it So I choose my words Lasting through this darkest night Resolved to see dawn 

How does one find words When the world silences truth Truth deeper than... this? The dead are sleeping Some sleepers can be woken Life the wake up call Scattered perspective Who am I to say this one Is someone's best fit? Would you like to stay? There are those here that miss you And recall your face When brothers' pain synchs Would Death themself step aside Rather than stalemate? We can both agree Establishing Love in full But still Death equals So how does Death fold Save through agreement as well? Why would Death do so? This is a parley Frontier communication [Blessed beginning(]A new dawn above/below)

Praise be to God who has seen fit to make my experiences themselves a sign to those who will see them. It honestly took me a few days and a conversation with a friend to recognize this sign for what it is, but in the end it is glaringly obvious. I have been fasting for nearly 40 days now, doing the "master cleanse" rather than no sustenance at all, and with three cheat days interspersed, for I have found I have not the fortitude to hold a candle to Jesus' walk but that I wanted to walk with him as best I could with what strength I do have. Soon after starting this fast I felt a surge to exercise some and specifically to walk and run. I began walking around the lake each day after work, probably a mile all told (the lake loop itself is .8 miles according to Google). Soon after starting this walk I felt a press to do something similar to what was done at Jericho, picturing the walls falling for all that is wrong with this world, and opening the path to all that is meant to ...

The storm has rolled in Scent of a star on the air Taking me way back To a home once known And early morning fox feet Knocking for cribbage Wind in the willows And secrets kept at cost But kept all the same For long shots taken And fists clenched even after For love breaking death At least breaking hell Shattering all if need be That fires are quenched Or at least shifted How can any fall away Without this same rage? Is love such terror That fearful cast it away When death's threshold's crossed? If I am fearless It's because I cannot see eep without her (them).

The sun shines through clouds A winter storm on the way Or so they tell me Here in the valley This typically means cold rain Not blanket of snow But a man can hope That on Friday storm lingers Syncing life with dream These dreams forgotten Save seeing Hope and brother In the same instance This felt important So I held that thought all night While rest slipped away What of work today? I'm in a gambling mood Let coin flip decide This dull hazy pain Of an absence lingering Will it burn away? Like fog at the dawn? Sifting to context for eep? Eclipsed at first (next) sight?

The sun is rising I am relaxing in bed Weekend halfway gone Tumultuous times Though evidence still suggests My love watches close Sending her envoys Suspiciously familiar By sailor's sky crown Some games and a nap I think are my morning plans Coasting out the fast Some shopping later Might make things a bit harder But I am resolved To see these tests end The tester fully exposed If my math is right I still eye the door I still remember the signs And the bold claim made Yours equally bold Can you really find the bar In time for the feast?

The sun is shining The morning started early For a day of rest The last of the fast An interesting timeframe Nearly at a close Opening a door Of youth reclaimed step by step Of strength rebuilding Of meals prepared Hobby of deliciousness Cost savings ta boot This is the season Where the tree suddenly blooms Fruit firm on the boughs Though some might argue Words were fruit blooming for years I can want two things I want my soulmate To find herself off-center By the sight of me With this end in mind Tangibly the finish line Draws fitness from clay 

So yesterday or today I was thinking about the sign of the paper lanterns and then Jesus saying   in Matthew 16:4 "'A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah.' Jesus then left them and went away." I then compared this to myself, switching in "nonsense dreamer" for "wicked and adulterous generation," but before I could let that hypothetical exchange finish in my mind I heard clearly "you can ask for a sign, I don't mind." With no regrets, here's how that exchange went. "Paper lanterns!" "We already did paper lanterns." "Paper lanterns again!" *stompstompstomp* I could almost feel the smiley eye roll as the conversation ended. My mind of course wandered to how time might be wibbly wobbly, and maybe I had inadvertantly asked for the sign I had already seen, always leaving some room in expectations, despite bright eyed loyalty. Well, today mark...

I just found myself reflecting on "Dream of the heist and paradise" and glimpsed an image of how superpowers might come to pass here in this realm. I have suspected that existence is not as straightforward as it seems, as at times I have been in dreams where it honestly seems like some people are awake, that some people consider where I am dreaming at night to be their waking reality. This could be an effect of dreamwalking, the one superpower (Gift of The Holy Spirit) that seems to be confirmed, in so much as others have told me it has had tangible effects for them, when I have tried to coordinate dreams with them. What is interesting about this ability though is that, while it is one I possess here, it is one that always manifests most directly elsewhere. This creates an interesting webbing image within reality. In other realms it seems I am always teetering on the edge of having superpowers, and usually when I get them I get all of them, limited only by my imagination at t...

The sun yet rises These few hours of darkness Find me yet shining A chill in the air One that feels choreographed For the run ahead You know my comings And goings, my every need Each hair on my head I have prayed for strength You brought strength and healing grace And reassurance God thank you for love For not abandoning me In my dark valleys For not delaying The moment when I believed You resurged swiftly For marking my words That I remember mourning Like a far off dream Oh, and work seems fine In storm's wake not a thing's changed But everything has

The sun is shining The temperature is pleasant Good traits for a day Bad traits for a night The campfire burning bright Still I tossed and turned Waking late, tired My Achilles' heel aching My run still in mind What of work today? I'm in a gambling mood Let coin flip decide My love stays silent Sneaking in on the sidelines Assessing resolve? Calculating fit? Are we such worlds apart To warrant these lengths? My heart remains fixed Form aching in the absence As breakfast draws near Cheeseburger daydreams And deepest pit getaways Deferred (for your sign/by your eyes)

The sun is shining There is a chill in the air Most welcome indeed Dreams were a blessing For at the end of the night A brother was seen I stuck to the script Was a lost sheep on the line? I didn't think twice When paired in eep's halls Functionally infinite Doubt might cost eons Now the day's begun In ways first of 31 New horizons felt Work keeps the drum beat Mind occupied with rote tasks It is what it is Soul sparks in the dark Paradise one step closer With each step taken Heart beats in my chest Form coalesces to fit In hope, right on time

I have written before of a wager I have placed: soulmate or annihilation. While this may appear to be as "all in" as one can possibly get, to be honest it is a bit of pain management and, in some twisted way, wishful thinking. I don't believe one can fathom their own non-existence (technically even those who believe this is what will happen at death can not fathom that juncture, but I digress). Recently my dreams have been shifting. For a long stretch I was experiencing what I called "tricked into love." In these dreams I would find myself in a relationship or an encounter with a woman besides my soulmate, often only realizing how off it was when I woke up. I really do not like these dreams. I was just realizing though, what if this is the representation of that wager lost, or its closest possible approximation? In these dreams I feel like myself, but there is a storyline that is familiar to me there, one that I am unfamiliar with here. It feels almost as if I...

Matthew 16:24-25 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." "Their cross." This means we each have a "cross." I take this to mean that we each have a flaw that is uniquely our own, the piece at the very core of ourselves that we cannot stand to look at, for shame- our worst temptation, our truest darkside. This cross is a burden, but it is meant to be carried. This means that we can not simply turn away from it, leaving our cross behind and following Jesus without it, but must rather face this flaw and carry it with us on our walk. If we leave our cross behind it is like trying to save our life, and we will ultimately lose it, for we will always be incomplete. If we carry our cross and follow Jesus, willingly giving up the easy freedom of hiding or ignoring this deep flaw rathe...

It's fairly cloudy There's a nice (chill/haze) in the air A good chance of rain Running in the rain Sparks a wonderful image Of storm's defiance Besides Phoenix rain Is typically plenty warm A nice change of pace Work started early A couple shades before 8 After little sleep I might need a nap But for the moment feel fine Just scrounging for tasks Dreams are suggesting A capacity beyond Simply seeing true That flawless controls In a realm most tangible Rises with the sun A beautiful sight To ease twilight's last gleaming Life is (but) a dream

The sun is shining 'Twas a good day for laundry Good night for a run An evening cleaning Anniversary in mind 14th year to start I am curious What reserves are remaining In this bag of tricks My dreams testing me Every snare torn wide open And documented Yet I stay centered The cars passing the window As they have for years Work an afterthought Few things, little importance All that fills these days The fast continues Routines continue as well To strengthen signal I write (through/of) it all Thankful for these fallow fields But hopes set in her 

I just went for a run and I looked for the moon and said hello like I do, but I noticed these two floating lights to the east of my door near it. They looked like tiny burning fireballs gently floating into the air. It took me a second to really focus and get an idea of what they might be, and then I saw a third, possibly a fourth floating into view as well. I quickly ran inside to get my phone and when I came back out there were at least a dozen scattered in that section of the sky. My mind immediately went to Hope and our worldwide journey in a night to see the various festivals of light around the world. I took a picture and video and texted a few people and put my phone back. When I came back out only one (possibly two?) remained. As I walked down the stairs I realized that meant the release of those lanterns and my decision on when to go for a run had to be perfectly synchronized, as the whole display seemed to start and end within 5 minutes, the exact 5 minutes I was looking, in ...

I have personally found that when something has frustrated me during a day that even if I tell myself I'm going to let it go, worry about it at another time if necessary, "what if" type thoughts sprout to mind. This especially happens when I am trying to fall asleep, as if the subconscious bubbling to the surface results in these incidents processing closer to the surface and more loudly than they ever had during the day. In the past such events have proven hard to quiet, and have often fed my insomnia. Yesterday I experienced such an event that I would not be able to address until today, and this same process occurred as I was falling asleep. After a few attempts at logically arranging the thoughts, and indicating to myself that I had already gone over the scenarios being presented at length by the point, both to no avail at stemming the tide, I felt frustration turn to inspiration, in a shaping that felt in line with Fighting Dragons. I laid on my back, closed my eyes, ...

The sun is shining Is it wrong to wish it dark For about 3 hours? To finish this day Perhaps it is night that ends The season shifting The start of an age Of you and I in the sun Forevermore joined Kiss still on my lips The concept of washing feet Lingering in mind And "It is finished." Waxing hopeful through sadness Glimpse under the hood These work days endless Though directly none today Deep waters still churn As they always have Since the moment I (touched~met~sensed) you To this very day If a man must rest Then a woman must return The rest is nonsense 

1:1-5 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 1:6-8 There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 1:12-13 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. 1:18 No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son,...