The Realms Scooched Together: Soulmate or Annihilation

I have written before of a wager I have placed: soulmate or annihilation. While this may appear to be as "all in" as one can possibly get, to be honest it is a bit of pain management and, in some twisted way, wishful thinking. I don't believe one can fathom their own non-existence (technically even those who believe this is what will happen at death can not fathom that juncture, but I digress).

Recently my dreams have been shifting. For a long stretch I was experiencing what I called "tricked into love." In these dreams I would find myself in a relationship or an encounter with a woman besides my soulmate, often only realizing how off it was when I woke up. I really do not like these dreams. I was just realizing though, what if this is the representation of that wager lost, or its closest possible approximation? In these dreams I feel like myself, but there is a storyline that is familiar to me there, one that I am unfamiliar with here. It feels almost as if I've popped into a story in the middle, but have a full backstory, but also that my soulmate is not there in the realm, and I have forgotten about her entirely. This could be seen as a mental annihilation, the complete removal of memory, and replacing it with another memory, but leaving out a key detail. Presumably I would be annihilated, in so far as I am, as I exist now, because that missing piece is a fundamental defining feature for me. Also it is now making sense why the rest of my memory would be altered entirely, because so much of who I am points directly at her; likely a dream attempting to retain much of me at all has no hope of proceeding with any shred of me left that seeks her, likely without any shred of me left at all. So I have been effectively a shell in these dreams, operating with someone else's memory, but perhaps my own general outlook.

Recently my dreams have been shifting. I have long wondered how I might combat this tricked into love effect, and I have found myself in instances where my soulmate comes to mind, which generally shifts the narrative dramatically.  Usually I end up seeking her out or the dream just collapses right there. This effect was slower at first and not consistent, but in the last several dreams I've had that featured another potential love interest, I have found myself acting more gentlemanly, as if an instinct remains even in the silence of who I am, and I find myself with a much shaper subconscious angle toward finding my soulmate even when I still cannot remember anything else about who I am, as if everything around me cries out for a love story- her and my love story specifically. This is fascinating to me... if one's memory has been erased, with a specific emphasis on erasing the details pertaining to one's soulmate, how is it that she still comes to mind in so readily in a staged encounter with another woman? This feels like an intentional scooching of the realms, as if I lost that bet and therefore owed annihilation, but a way was found to scatter the terms well enough to allow me to survive the effect and regain what I had lost. I do not believe I was responsible for this scooching; if this premise is to be accepted, I would actually have no position from which to do so. I believe it was her (they) who are testing different angles and scooching the realms back into place, perhaps impressed to find one willing to put so much on the line for love.

Recently my dreams have been shifting. Just a couple nights back I dreamt that I was walking with an old crush, and as soon as I was directed to lust after her (which felt compelled by the narrative) I remembered my soulmate as plain as day. The lust ceased immediately and I started trying to figure out how to find my soulmate instead. Then the scenario reset, my memory was erased again, and the cycle repeated, but my memory came back just as swiftly. It is interesting in retrospect to realize that my waking memory tracked each of these resets, though in the dream I could not. Could this dream be the proof positive they have been looking for that the realms have been scooched back sufficiently? Could it be that along the right lines I can no longer be tempted? If this is true could it also be true that along the wrong lines, along any lines for any meaningful duration, I cannot be tempted by another? Could it be that only by my soulmate's hand can whatever effect was being attempted actually be accomplished within me in the scenario? If this unknown effect that I am referencing is something that needs to occur for the machine to continue to function, what options remain besides her arrival, if even my full and honest offer of annihilation has already been placed on the table? It feels like I, we, will find out quite soon what cards remain up whose sleeves, regardless of what else is done.