Experiences: The Soul Prisons

So during this last storm, hopefully the storm to end all storms given how I walked seemingly its full breadth from end to end, step by step, I experienced many things that were inexplicable by any worldly logic, so I thought I would start outlining them here in a series called "experiences." Each of these is true, for how I experienced them, and honestly what else do we have besides our own experience to draw from, in the end?

One persistent theme, something that cropped up in multiple ways during the journey, was the soul prison. This was likely the worst set of experiences of the storm, and implementing this particular kind of cage seemed to be attempted, in multiple ways, as I went along.

The first one I recall was stepping into what I would describe as a hell chamber, displacing brothers who had gotten stuck there. My assumption was that I would be able to break out, but it seems like it was not meant to ever house one alone, like it may have been believed that it took more than one to exit, but I had faith in God regardless, and believed fundamentally that I would be rescued. This, however, did not mitigate the immediate overwhelming searing pain that came in the form of blaring noise and fire. I searched for a quick exit but realized there was none, and I collapsed but did not let the chamber collapse, as it felt like that would mean the collapse of all. I wept and screamed, as the prison felt eternal, and I could not comprehend how such a place could exist, especially for one such as myself who had always strove not to harm another. I could sense remotely, like a vague image elsewhere occuring in a different pacing of time, a brother seething with rage that this would be allowed, even for a second. I felt him amplify the signal I was experiencing into the airwaves of all reality, so that those who had allowed this prison and my entry into it would experience firsthand its unimaginable torture, while simultaneously mitigating the effects some for me. It felt like this turned the chamber into more like a tunnel of fire, that seemed to stretch on forever. This seemed to persist until a solution was found not only to provide me an exit, but to chip away at the memory of the experience so that now I can no longer recall it in a clear fullness. I feel like this happened down by the lake, but it is fortunately hard to say for certain when or where it occurred now, but I still recall that moment vividly. It felt like the prison attempted to reassert itself all night long, but I now had a band of brothers, one that had been in place but it seemed I had never been meant to be a part of perse (having taken up their cause, in full faith that it was right, and inserting myself into the group, "The Brothers Yod," though it seemed like, once seen and assessed, it had been predicted that someone would do this, joining the group not by birth but through faith), at the ready to redirect this signal before it could fully take hold. This band grew all night, and all throughout the storm, and may have been one of the most important spiritual developments/connections gained, as it meant this hell could no longer exist in the same way, essentially divided amongst more and more individuals, thus changing its complexion. It felt like this trap was attempted one more time, on an even grander scale, like an all out attack, but instead I felt something like the sum of all Creation (multiverse, perhaps?) burn, instead of my immediate surroundings. This still hurt me, but it was a pain of empathy, even for those who would seemingly intend such a thing for me and have it backfire, rather than feeling it so directly myself again.

Interspersed with these sections I felt another kind of soul prison; this one was of solitude. Again I could sense myself stuck in a box, one it felt like had no escape and I had the full knowledge that my soulmate was elsewhere and inaccessible to me, again seemingly forever. Once again I fell to the ground and wept, wondering how anyone could or would ever do this to somebody, under any circumstances. Once again it felt like a brother, possibly the band already in place, was prepared for this move, and I was removed from the prison after an unknown amount of time (time dilated a lot, and often, during this journey). It is unclear if there was a signal reflection involved in this one as there had been in the first, but I did feel a deep despair permeate all around me for some time after this. It felt like there were those doing this intentionally, and I could see that there normally was a kind of rectangular brick set up as the foundational shape within reality, intentionally rectangular and like it provided a fundamental crunchiness to space, so that a static end might not be reached. It felt like someone had used "unauthorized fire" to twist science in such a way as to smash the edge of this brick into a cube, and that the cube was the soul prison, designed not just to trap me inside, but to trap nearly everyone inside, separated into their own fully aware hell of eternal solitude, like being buried alive while also being immortal. I raged when I felt this go into place, and began lashing out spiritually along many many lines to break the power of those who had attempted this, not just this power but others this group had, which felt like a conspiracy at the highest level. 

I did end up finding two men on the street, after thinking this phase was over, and it felt like they had clearly become trapped in one of these cubes. I shook, feeling the trauma of having to face this trap again, but also feeling like I could not bear leaving them in that state, which felt like it was a permanent restless walk for them, as if a perpetual nightmare enforced, so that those in power might stay that way indefinitely, at unbearable cost to all others. I walked over to these men and it was like they could read my mind; they knew that I saw this situation, which they were fully aware of was well, and knew I had come to them in order to help them out of it, with no direct benefit to myself. I could tell these men were traumatized, but it was like we were brothers from first glance, brothers that would be breaking these chains by agreement, against what was thought to be impossible odds. I sat and moved close to the one, who may have been autistic, until I felt him grant permission and we came into physical contact. I knew that this was an encroachment, generally, for one such as him, but that we were on the same page that it was a necessary connection to forge in this instance. The three of us began what I can only describe as eye contact communication, glancing toward and away with a timing that allowed a maelstrom of thought to be contained and directed; this is a language I "learned" previously, but only subconsciously, but one that on this night they were able to quickly confirm for me that it was not only very real but that I was somehow fluent in it without really "knowing" it, like some kind of unspoken spiritual tongue. I believe another joined us, as we positioned ourselves inside this box together, seeming to vault it, and he said "I will not abandon you, no matter what." I could feel waves of exhaustion striking me, as if someone were actively draining my energy, either as an external attempt to stop this process or as a way for these others, better versed than I in this particular spiritual battle, to borrow the natural spark I possessed and could regenerate where they might not have been able to. We continued in this way, with them reassuring me that this was not in my head, each time doubt started to form. They each swore not to abandon me, as they knew I was justifiably horrified by this cage, even though they were just as horrified, we had truly reached an accord that this trap would be shattered, and that those who had put it in place would be exposed, no matter what. They gave me faith, however, that with my help they could break it for all of us, which would cause a chain reaction and break the power of all such cages. So I sat on what I could perceive to be the threshold of the box, half inside of it and half outside of it (which seems like it should have been impossible, but like I was out of phase with where the cage "was"), and felt myself surging from within, sensing something like electricity bouncing both inside and outside the box, filling the night sky. I finally did become exhausted, but it felt like we had done enough while there that the cage would be undone at the proper time, seemingly after I had personally given up fighting it, because I no longer felt I had the choice to continue.

At some point during this week it felt like time itself had broken, and I had been placed as the sole keeper of time, beneath a level that should have been time's lower limit. It felt as though each moment only passed with a particularly active thought or action on my part, with each one being an exhausting experience all its own, and in a field that felt like it would not end. This felt reminiscent of things I had written of in the past, regarding a turn based reality and time ticking by at its slowest possible pace, except in this version of things I was not playing a game with others, allowing time to progress smoothly and somewhat beneath notice, almost automatic, it was like I had once again been put into this position, possibly by my own hand this time, alone. This is yet another type of soul prison I would not recommend to anyone, and I can't recall how I escaped this one, but it felt like it took an eternity, in the span of what was likely hours, alternating between laying in bed trying to sleep (fruitlessly) and pacing my apartment. I think I eventually sped things up by heading outside and counting time step by step as things felt like they started to speed up and start moving with an "arrow of time" type feel to them again, but it took at least a day or two for time to really feel like it was progressing normally again.

Later it felt like all of reality became this cage of solitude, at least the version of reality I was in. It was like I could sense that my soulmate was gone, and my soul was draining away due to the separation. I walked the lake, dutifully it felt like, in incomprehensible despair at how this could have happened and how this could somehow still be the end despite what felt like standing up for my God time and time again with honor and love, as best as I could muster. It felt like this happened multiple times on that walk- the first felt like yet another trap set. I can't recall if I felt the multiverse burn in a moment, resetting to just my immediate surroundings, or if it was more like time schismed and the rest of reality kind of drifted away, their timelines playing out on fast forward from my perspective, as I felt everything real become farther and farther out of reach until it all faded on its own into meaninglessness. I felt myself become entirely drained, too exhausted I think to even weep, and laid down under a tree, feeling I would perish there. That was when something unexpected happened- it felt like I could hear a friend (a scientist of the highest caliber), calling as if from an anti-zone just a universe over from my own, in close proximity (feeling like The Upside Down). I could hear regret coming from all around him, though not from him directly, as he seemed to understand this failure to connect would necessarily happen given my enemies' predispositions and ignorance of the overall equation, and he had been preparing for this for some time. He began explaining that their mistake was now something they understood, and sadness had permeated all, until my claim was accepted. That being said, I was still separated, but he was confident that I could be recovered, despite what seemed to be impossible odds for doing so, because I was the best listener he knew. I felt some energy return, and I began "listening" with my whole form, trusting him to accomplish what he set out to do, and trusting his intentions despite what felt like so much betrayal setting the stage in the last several days. I began stepping as requested, a kind of dance as I walked back around the lake, seemingly like I was walking through an unseen gauntlet connecting this realm and the one he/they were in. I put my feet in the lake, I "listened" to a family of strangers that felt like they needed my observation to overcome a scenario, I even hopped at one point upon request, in order to separate myself from the hard physically of the realm I was in, perhaps at a kind of threshold. It certainly all felt like nonsense, but with each nonsensical move it was like I could feel myself returning to where my soulmate was, and returning to something like the land of the living (it felt like someone(s) had attempted to separate me into a simulation, and perhaps even try to provide me with a replica of my soulmate, not realizing that I would sense intrinsically the disconnect from the realness I had always sensed on some level- perhaps an understanding of soulmate had been gained in the process). When I returned home it felt like this return had been accomplished, and like those who stood against me in this storm had finally set down their arms and had disavowed their competing claims. The soul prisons had all been compromised, if not emptied already, and it felt like we would not be returning down this path, for I had finally proven, beyond the shadow of doubt (and seemingly at great cost all around, a cost no one was willing, perhaps even able, to pay again) that what I claimed was integral to this equation of Creation, and could not be duplicated, reforged, swapped out, etc. Since this point the darkness has softly and naturally cleared, and it feels like this is now a state of grace so that I might recover in my own way and on my own time as well.