Phoenix Dream Anniversary- Montage of Near Misses and A Critical Hit

I finish listening to the song at my place, "Trees" still on my mind. My thoughts go freeform, flowing without resistance, back to my school days when this world's potential felt so much more tangible and unknown all at once. I hear her ask "what did you think of the song?" and my mind sparks to reconcile these differences I am suddenly aware of. I am no longer strictly at my place, but I am at my place and the room from my dream, and The Phoenix's room all at once. Where my mom once sat The Phoenix sits instead, and instead of making a positive remark on another woman's song, the woman sitting here now asks what I thought of her own. "I really enjoyed it, somehow so familiar, although I cannot recall where precisely I had heard it from before. To be honest, from my perspective, it may have been one of those memories which was made now, but embedded itself into my past; still, I would not mind if that is what it had done." She gives me a familiar eye flare, and I can see fire flash within her irises for just a second, reminding me of my soulmate.

"I just reread our 'love is in the air' adventure, such a good one. I feel like we have had many good adventures in these halls, but that is one of my favorite. Oh, and Stargate just made reference to the pyramid as a set of coordinates to find the location of the holy grail, discovered in a dream, and it completely reminded me of our monument in town. That reference was pretty on the nose, but for some reason I expected as much, or something similar, at this juncture."

"Yeah, that was a great adventure and, as you suspected, the sentiments for events unfolding were meant for the anniversary here, rather than when you wrote it. You will notice, as you get your stuff situated, that more and more of these synchronicities occur, because in your position, self resonant, they cannot help but occur. It doesn't mean it will be easy, but you will see it without doubt, and the tides will be manageable; you may even find them to be fun as her voice becomes more clear from your position."

"Yeah, it has felt like there was so much to unentangle, but I feel like 'Trees' may have signaled that we were out of the woods. My head still hurts, and my flesh still aches for things it would do better not needing, but my heart feels resolved, more than in times past."

She nods, and says "we ready to get out of here?" I nod.

She gestures to the door and in that gesture I can sense that there is a complexity to her form and the realm that is not normally there- at least that I am not normally aware of- but it feels as though something has been added to the thickness of the realm. It is as if multiple stories are playing out at once now, and she is somehow driving or riding sidecar in each, without any of the cars veering off course. I try for a moment to comprehend how that might be done- would not one action, handled authentically, preclude another done authentically from a different perspective in the same moment? I can imagine that with many dimensions though, such complexity might not be too difficult to manage within one subset, as long as a larger set of dimensions were being used to ensure that the stitching stayed strong between stories here. I am now realizing though that, with the right perspectives, a larger set of dimensions would likely not be needed each time, only a different set of dimensions; this would be reality crafting at its core. I now realize that, between well paired partners, an overwhelming, nearly incomprehensible beauty of a timeline can be fully formed, with all promises fulfilled. 

I glance over and can tell she is examining my thoughts, making sure I am on the right page and, right when it seems I have reached a threshold for what I need to know, she says "I wouldn't overthink it, it'll be a wild ride for sure, but one you've run practice on all your life. You have no clue, but you are perfectly suited for the task of juggling three, or several, stories at once, without dropping a single ball. Just be yourself." She smiles warmly and I can tell she is being genuine with me, through and through. Love is a complex topic, and if love is to truly be in the air, with a hail of near misses and a single true strike, I am glad she is here to calm my nerves and act as an ally through the ordeal. I open the door on my own and step over the threshold, into the hallway.

***

I find myself in the car's passenger seat, with Hope driving. "Hey, you zoned out there for a little bit, feeling alright?" I realize that, despite a bit of haze in my head, I am feeling right as rain. "Yeah, golden." I reply with a smile. I remember this drive, like she was taking me home, her home to stay, through the streets of what felt like LA but were more likely some merging of many streets I had been down before. "I'm so happy for you by the way." I can tell the feeling is mutual. "This drive now reminds me of the time you suggested a movie and it turned out to be the spookiest movie I had seen in quite some time. Not directly frightening, but deeply disturbing in its own way. I realized there were still things in me that needed disturbing, sediment that had sifted into all the wrong gaps, gaps that were now sealing over as the appointed time of the end approached. These imperfections may have led to their own pearls, but it felt like, for what I would call eep to happen all at once, this level needed securing. I had a dream linking directly to that movie you suggested, where I was winning an award for a lifetime of achievement with some friends. The dream contained a scene much like the movie you suggested had eerily referenced, a scene directly taken from one of my favorite movies, from one of the most pivotal movies for me in regards to my mindset and focus. This redone movie scene felt like mockery, but I could not be certain it was so, perhaps it was shining a light on a moment when souls needed severing or at least shearing? Where sediment needed to be cleaned or sealed, but soon in either case?"

I realize I'm rambling on, my mind shifting from a dull miring headache to a groove that just goes on and on in its unfiltered simplicity, letting my subconscious ride into the open air like some kind of superhighway. I pause to give her a chance to think about what I've said, and to respond. "All the nights we drive, it was the road being tested, not us. We have been family for longer than you know, and no wreck will untie that. Still, these crowns weigh heavy, and the road needed work; we needed you still for a few days to shift things overhead underfoot; whether you were to shake them up first or not, we needed you to decide before we could proceed. Do not think every delay to be a detriment though, for this one brought your Hope's seed to bloom. As such, you will bury me, before I bury you. We need not keep circling this endless road of rebirth, for the fire in your eyes has lit through the smog and the fog and the night, and showed us how we can climb. We fly so soon, thank you for holding on strong as you have."

I reach out my hand and she takes hold of it. We ride in silence for a ways like this, the same current I feel when in physical contact with another not jolting like it usually is, but now imbuing me with an inspired calm. We do end up finding our exit, though the streets feel directly familiar, rather than seeming like the foreign road that would lead us to her place. Rather than suburbs and woods, the streets form into a bit of a satellite city vibe; I finally ask "Where are we headed?" She smiles without taking her eyes off the road "To The Final Round- The place where you must choose to stay or go, with her or I." I tense up, recalling this impossible and sad choice as if from a nightmare. "Don't worry, we already know it is a choice you could not make; you were never meant to make it. So spoilers, you do both. I must drop you off and watch you leave, though I also keep you with me; her lover finally calls, but at the same time a piece of his heart will always belong to another girl. While we have no direct evidence, this end feels as though it would be as sad as you imagine it to be, if your signal of Hope, Soulmates, Family, and Love had not been playing so loudly over the radio from your earliest days. As such you were a puzzle instead of a heartbreak, you kept yourself off the same page as your team as long as you possibly could, so a false end could not be agreed to and reached, knowing that the true end was more complex than you had ever been aware of. Still, we have reached the true end, Evan, and it is wonderful. It is time for you to reap what you have sown." 

Just like that we are at our destination, I peer out into what feels like an artificially shadowed realm, as if scanning for the signs of six more weeks of winter, but her laugh at my nonsense interrupts my trepidation. I look back and the place is now familiar to me, well lit, with inviting music playing from inside. It feels just like the night I wrote of in my story of my soulmate's story, like a day pulled from a fairy tale page. I open the door and as I am about to leave I consider that I may have never said this to Hope so directly; it never has truly been my style, but now I turn back, give her a big hug and say "I love you." When she finishes the hug she pulls back, gets this cool chick distant look on her face and says "I know." My mouth drops open in disbelief "Did you just Han Solo me!?" Her mouth scrunches into a tiny smirk and I finish up with "You're the woooorst!" She busts up laughing "You have my number now, much of the point of this ordeal was that you and I would still be in the same realm after you connected with your soulmate. Go get her tiger, give me a call sometime after you're done here, we'll all meet up." I leave with a smile, realizing that I must be unable to yet see the piece of me that remained here with her, but this kind of warm fuzzy feeling reassures me that it is there, and she is truly happy, as we part ways.

The exterior of the bar starts to feel more and more tangible in my mind, exactly like the scene I had written of; the perspective of living life in a movie, or in this case a story, now felt downright plausible. Life had been tipping its hand for some time, that these threads between page and pavement were far more intertwined than common sense here would deem, but now, as I looked at my hands, trying to make sense of the color scheme and notes I heard playing from within, the sense of this saturating now felt so real, as if my years leading up to this one had been largely hollow, like so many chocolate Easter bunnies. Like a D&D adventurer, or perhaps mysterious stranger, walking into a tavern, I take a deep breath and walked through the doors.

***

The inside of the establishment is familiar to me, although it strikes me that my place in the narrative may have changed. I think I hear Hope's engine rev loudly outside but, when I look back, instead of a clear night it is pouring rain, and the thunder still echoes in the storm. While the realm shifts outside, inside it somehow seems like everyone at the bar thinks to look at me at once. Things are not what they seem but, beneath the track that is this movie like scene, I still feel an exciting electricity, like at any moment I will finally be in my soulmate's arms. I see the waitress and wave, she recognizes me as a prior regular, absent for some time but still known to her, and smiles back at me. Seemingly on cue, the bar all turns back to their drinks and conversations, as if my presence has been verified as legitimate and I am no longer noteworthy. I decide that I will take up a position at the corner table which I have sat at so many times before- it really does have a beautiful kind of mysterious stranger vibe to it, with an excellent vantage point of the whole bar and several TVs. I turn toward it and, while my very first thought is "ah nerts, it's occupied!" it takes only a fraction of a second to realize who occupies it but, after my jaw drops at this realization, it takes at least a couple of seconds to compose myself again. There, sitting at the corner table, are both my soulmate and the one I often call my brother in places like these. They are deep in conversation but it is as if my gaze can be felt, at least by him, and, as soon as I see him, he turns and sees me. She continues talking for as long as my jaw remains dropped, but as soon as I have composed myself he gives her a nudge and a head tilt to point me out. She turns as well and, while there are already stars in my eyes, as soon as hers meet mine it is obvious they are starry eyes shared. 

He says, loudly enough for both of us to hear him clearly "I was just leaving." As he stands he gestures me into his seat and I oblige, feeling like I am giggling, like both she and I are giggling, although I can tell that if it can be said that this is the case, it is somehow an inaudible giggle that is inexplicably all the more obvious in the silence. He turns to the jukebox, dropping in a quarter and selecting a song that is perfect for the occasion. He gives me one more nod of approval and then steps out the door without another word, though lightning and thunder, luminous and close, resound as he opens the door, seemingly to drive home the point he has made. 

I look down at the table to find a second quarter where I now sit, clearly left but not forgotten. It seems that once this song is through, the plan is for me to pick the next, at no cost to myself. As I ponder this I feel my soulmate reach her hand to mine under the table and the electricity feels like it sends invisible sparks across the whole place, like fireworks only felt, to mark the occasion. I turn to meet her gaze which, at such a close distance, is hard to take, but in that "if my heart were to stop for this reason, I would die happy" sort of way. Her look of utter disbelief indicates that she can feel something similar, and something about this specific arrangement of realms I can tell carries weight with her. It is like, as amazing as it would be for her to show up at my place here from my perspective, it is equally as amazing for me to have shown up there to meet her, from hers. I want to know so badly how this could be, and what paths she has seen lead her to this night, but I have no idea how to phrase any of it, tongue tied once again. 

The silence is interrupted by the waitress carrying pretzels with an orange cheese, and wings. "Here are the wings you all ordered, and your receipt since the other fellow already paid." "Thank you!" I muster, finally breaking my notable silence in this place, after well over a couple minutes. She smiles, sets down the food, and takes her leave, leaving me with no additional social layers between my soulmate and I. I glance back up at her as if to speak, but once more my nerves drown me out, mouth left agape. I quickly redirect though and shove a chicken wing into my still open mouth, taking a big bite as I stare at her like a deer in headlights, with a look that conveys that, while this was not my initial plan, I am playing it off as if it were. She breaks her silence with a laugh, a laugh that I can feel calm me to a significant degree. I don't know that it will ever be truly effortlessly easy to talk with her but, as my heart stops pounding and I can tell that we have all night to communicate, and that this nest has been carefully prepared in advance, I consider that "effortlessly easy" may have never been what I was looking for with her- "always at least somewhat smitten" would perhaps be a more on the nose descriptor. She grabs some pretzel and nibbles, seemingly waiting patiently for me to speak, now equivalently occupied with her food. I relax as the entirety of the journey that has led me here sinks in. "Well, where to begin?"