Phoenix Dream- The Coin of Soulmate or Annihilation

I find myself laying on the Phoenix couch, friend beside me, already going on and on before fully fading into view. "I don't think I could fully fathom such a scenario, much less see it. It feels similar to death to me, annihilative at its core." "I understand, I guess the question is, if you knew it would mean your soulmate's happiness, what would be your stipulations to disengage with her?"

Such a question. But if one is unwilling to address it, anything that uses the essence of this question as leverage will always have power over you. "I have considered this before to some degree, but my annihilation would certainly be part of it. I would need assurance before agreeing to anything that this is certain to be the outcome, for I could not exist in any sense moving forward from there, without such existence being unending torment. I would also add that if unforeseen or undisclosed circumstances caused me to resurface in consciousness, or I never become removed from consciousness entirely, I would have full undisputed power to address the issue. There will be no eternal prisons in this deal, for me or anyone else. I would need to know she would be eternally happy without me, on par with what we would have had, perfection. I would need to know she had fully assessed my claim and position, and I would need to understand her reasons for making another choice, or at least know intrinsically they were correct, if understanding them were not possible. It would need to be an agreement made in full, as it would be binding in full in the same way a marriage in the same space would. While it would become an agreement in absentia if it were to hold, it would no less be an eternal agreement, forever shifting reality outside of that point."

"Do you see?" She looks at me inquisitively.

"I feel like you know I don't in full, but in part I see the threads. If I came from nothing, a return to nothing is a return to oneness for all else. If I was sourced from nothing at great cost or at least struggle, then the whole point was to do this. I believe love must be a choice in some way though, and the purity of the choice is critical to the forever structure of the outcome. So I have described the other side of this coin perhaps- I have refused to give up on her, but if these conditions were met then I would refuse to leave any mark at all or have any left on me, anything left of me. These feel the most pure offers to make, if such parity of offer must be met. While I cannot picture this alternate timeline so directly, I can fathom its formation in this way, albeit indirectly. This would be for the best if she would not have me, consciously or not I feel I would become a law breaker at some point for her sake if left in a realm where she had become the wife of another, or if not then a realm breaker, as subconscious pressure built even in existence without absence of memory. I could also see how the arrangement and propagation of this deal would lead to a chaos, but one that, if it were reached in fundamental full freeform consciousness, would lead to soulmating all, all at once, as the realm shattered and shaped and seeded and grew and solidified all in the moment of the agreement made."

She nods adding seriously "I have recorded the intention, proposals, and will pass them along."

"I hope I didn't leave anything out..."

"Don't worry, I got you." Her tone softens just a touch, but her look is still one of determination, the look I've always found adorable and reassuring, yet could certainly see as horrifying by another light. It is the look of a friend who will not fail or abandon you, a look I feel she has seen in me more than once. Her position secured, if my agreement were accepted, is a stipulation she must know I would have her add in a second, I just know not how to phrase it properly myself, and I feel that the omnidirectional nature of what I have said means she would be secured regardless. But I know she knows that I would not count any special stipulations securing her sovereignty or sanctuary as unseemly. She gives a salute and *pachooms* out the door, quite unburdened, it seems, by what I felt was such a heavy message.