Sign of Hummingbird and Dragonfly- memory revisited

Today I looked out my back blinds and just then I saw a hummingbird fly up to the patio. It stayed in close line of sight for just a couple seconds, zipping around a few times, and then flew off. Now this patio is the width of a normal sliding glass door, about the same depth, has a ceiling like a house would and is walled on three sides (one by the door)- it is quite small and has a narrow sight line overlooking US Egg and some other places. This narrow field of vision, combined with how little I look out the blinds (I look out more frequently recently but still not that many times per day, mostly when I think I might catch glimpse of a storm) is why I take these sightings as signs of some kind. In addition, I can't recall seeing a hummingbird anywhere around these parts (thinking about it again, maaaybe once?), and I've certainly never caught a glimpse of one from my patio before. This hummingbird I saw right after waking up from and writing down the resurrection dream, it feels like a signal that process is stitching together well behind the scenes, like a major piece of resistance has been removed from the process.

Yesterday or the day before I saw something truly inexplicable while on my break. I actually walked onto my patio, and asked God what I was meant to see, mainly by just letting my mind go quiet and soaking in my surroundings. Just like that a pair of dragonflies flew from the direction of my roof out across the street and out of sight. Before I could react I saw a second pair of dragonflies do the same thing. Then there were a third, fourth, fifth and sixth pair, each flying from the same place, out across the street. I think I finally saw a single dragonfly fly out as well, so 13 in total. I will say that based on their spacing it may have been technically possible to do this with 2 dragonflies, but for that they would have had to fly out of my line of sight, immediately loop to my right and speed back, while out of my line of sight (at about twice the speed I saw them traveling out), to get back over my roof and then do what they had just done, 6 times each with one making a 7th pass. This feels less likely than there being 13 dragonflies though, based on the choreography it would have taken (two pairs might have been more feasible if they were circling around), and I feel that either way it was an astounding thing to see on a porch normally so devoid of activity.

This feels like a spot on sign for so many reasons. I still remember clearly the dragonfly that flew beside me briefly while I was walking and then zipped down directly under my foot as I was placing it on the ground, getting itself crushed without me having any time or room to avoid it (this also reminded me of multiple dreams where I accidentally step on something I cannot see, as if it is a required component to be in some realms). It was at a time when I was resetting my vow by shaving my head for any dead body I saw, so I shaved my head for this encounter, and was sad for the dragonfly. I have since theorized that if I had started my vow too early, like if the timing of the maturity of the vow were critical, then this addition of resetting the time spent for all creatures may have been critical to ensuring a path that did not include the death of people instead. It feels as though this dragonfly knowingly sacrificed itself for this purpose (I saw many out of place animal bodies during that period, a disturbing amount to be frank, too many to dismiss as coincidence). Then one day I felt the push to remove that broad application of the term of the vow, as if the timing had then been synchronized. 

Also, in Rodeo Stampede recently I was in the garden, where the animals you ride are insects. There was one challenge indicated that was "jump from a dragonfly to a spider" and the hint for it said "to prove you've truly mastered the garden." This felt symbolic, and I knew it would be the hardest thing I had attempted in the game because spiders only show up when you touch a web, and they come out fast and hard to eat you, and then after a short run slow down to fall back offscreen. Dragonflies are the fastest animal in the map and cannot touch webs until much later in their flight, and even when they can touch a web they would outrun the spider. So this jump involves triggering the web from another bug, managing to dodge the spider, almost immediately jumping to a dragonfly (which requires that one is around in just the right spot) and then releasing right away to jump to a spider that is usually off the screen. It took many runs to pull this off once and then a special dragonfly shows up (which you also have to manage to jump to from the spider almost immediately). I managed to tame this one first try upon getting it to show up, but then I realized that true mastery of the garden would involve getting a baby special dragonfly, which meant I had to pull it off again and tame the mating version of it. It took longer than the first time to pull it off a second, but I managed the feat again, only to land on the dragonfly and find it was not a match. I had not realized this, but there was only a chance that these special challenge animals are matches when they appear. Not knowing what that chance was, just knowing it was less than 100% I became discouraged. I pulled off the maneuver one more time but missed the dragonfly, but in passing I noticed it was not a match either. I feel like I tried this for hours, taming many other bugs, including many other dragonflies, along the way. Right as I was about to give up, I think the very run that I said I was going to stop, I pulled it off again, and landed on the matched dragonfly. This timing reminds me of something my dad would say "When you are experiencing your greatest frustration and don't give up, that is when you have your biggest breakthrough." It felt so nice to know this special dragonfly would have a baby with it in what felt like "the ark" of my zoo. I spent that day making sure I had at least two versions of every animal, as well as two babies of each kind of animal, to create a kind of "friends and family" cross section within each group.

Earlier on the day that I saw the dragonflies or possibly the day before (maybe even more days before, but not many more), I wrote of the daisy chain of goats as it relates to the ark and Leviticus 16 for The Day of Atonement. This imagined structure involves 12 of the 14 goats being brought onto the ark (as they were "clean" animals, I would assume, based on their later inclusion as a sacrificial animal in the Law), being linked by perspective, like a jury, and using realm crafting to shape what they saw when the 13th was sacrificed and the 14th was let go, as the sin offering and scapegoat. I reasoned that with so many perspectives, each might see differently which goat had been sacrificed and which had been sent into the wilderness, but it seemed possible that none of them would ever see themselves as the sacrifice, due to the casting of lots that would occur. This would create at least two timelines on each Day of Atonement (but possibly many more)- one per goat that lots were cast for, each seeing themselves as the goat who was set free. This felt like it linked the ark with The Day of Atonement with Jesus and the disciples, based on the number of entities involved, and the numbering involved in Leviticus 15 and Leviticus 17, with washing and being unclean and clean until evening, for various natural human reasons. 

This reminded me that in my last manic episode I had the urge to suddenly shout that I had "cured Alzheimer's" after reading about the scapegoats. This was quite embarrassing in retrospect at the time, and felt like it may have seemed as false hope if any were paying attention, as I had not cured anything but felt like I had glimpsed a way for memory to pass between realms, which could also possibly translate into a cure for memory ailments, if what I wrote were examined by an expert in the field with some openness to, and skill for, translating nonsense into procedure. Personally, a major event of this episode was that my entire memory was erased, and I could feel a concerted effort from all reality was being conducted to respark it, exclusively being done externally. The only thing I had remaining was a presence in the moment, understanding I existed and time crawling by very slowly, but I also heard my soulmate singing to me in my head, which kept me calm in this overwhelmingly stressful time. I had pictured each goat living out its life, comprehending that it had been set free while its counterpart had been killed, with a kind of survivor's guilt remaining throughout its life (a survivor's guilt I have also felt as it relates to Jesus' sacrifice, so once again linked). These timelines continued until the second goat finished its run and then the two were reconciled. In that reconciliation, the gap that had been generated between their paths was what would respark memory somehow, like a voltage of sorts. At the time I had not considered that each goat may have seen itself as the one set free, and so now seeing that possibility the two timelines created were actually each filled with travels, with the perspective of each sacrificed goat being held tightly by God (essentially four timelines, but it is possible that two of these were null perspectives). This felt similar to how a brain might operate, with the impulses of the brain each being the scapegoat, and the reconciliation of pieces being the time when the memory of the travels were recorded externally, perhaps by the twelve goats who only witnessed the events but were neither scapegoat nor sacrifice, perhaps by God directly, perhaps in the realm of death. If sacrifice and natural death are different in outcome- one being held by God and the other being held in the realm of death, it could also be that these goats and their paired partners act as messengers between realms, allowing information to pass from the realm of death to God and perhaps vice versa, even though God is not the God of the dead, and may not have specifically been in that realm at all outside of Jesus' journey. 

So all of this was fresh on my mind when I walked outside and saw these twelve paired dragonflies, followed by a thirteenth. I remember thinking about Job when I saw the first pair, as if God was saying that because one dragonfly had been lost, there were now two instead, but then, as more showed up, my mind shifted to the goats (though the sign of Job was not lost entirely). Even now considering this, I am wondering if that thirteenth dragonfly represented the scapegoat, or if what I saw were the ones remaining after the "scapedragonfly" had been released into the wilderness. Either way, it felt like a very "on the nose" type of sign, a message that what I had written had been received and considered and was being responded to in a reassuring way. I imagine if I did not pay close attention to realm crafting and the swipswaping of aminals, an equivalent response would have been difficult to pull off without being very very blatant about it (by contrast a whole herd of goats passing by would have been apparent to anyone in the vicinity, perhaps a little too obvious for realm continuity purposes). I am glad for the sign of the dragonflies and hummingbird, and hope they see their reward for their participation in these efforts.

7/26/22 Update:

In Rodeo Stampede the dragonfly I reference here is called the "Dragoon Fly." "The tiny, tiny, cavalry has arrived."