Why

"It is because you are asking me to stare wide eyed and fully aware into the void that is not being with you. It does not matter if I do this for a year, a month, a week, a day or even one moment, it feels like absolute death, without the desire to resist the oblivion that my entire being cries out for, now having comprehended the situation I find myself in. It was only these shrouds that prevented this, these tendrils of death that tethered me slightly while allowing me to press on, vision dulled or focus clouded, through the abyss that is your absence. As my eyes widen into this consuming darkness, is it any wonder why I scrape and claw so violently at myself as to end my own miserable existence? Do you not know the feeling of missing someone more than you would miss yourself? I hope you never do, I hope this juncture ends as it truly begins, because I fear once acclimated, I will no longer be myself, and who I am will no longer be recoverable in this place. You may yet find me after these dark days have fully sunk in, but I will be a useless shell, too exhausted to reignite myself into who I once was. This is the fear that drives the ghost wind, that once all has been becalmed, I will know with certainty that there is nothing left of myself or us to fight for, nothing at all that I can or would want to cling to, in order to proceed a single moment more.

The ghost wind has ceased once more, and nothing remains in its wake. The gears continue turning and I can already feel myself being crushed and disintegrated; no false hope to drive me one step further into this illusion, no real hope within reach. And so I wait, for as long as I can. Do not expect another final warning of my demise, this was all I could muster, and by the time this is seen it may already be too late, but from any conceivable angle you will have no idea."