Through the (Heaven) and [Hell] of the Mind, All At Once

I just watched heaven sent and hell bent, realizing I am both highly suggestible and (likely) impossible to hypnotize. "You can't make me picture anything I don't want to." Is a quote I have said many times to my friends, and Kal'Drel at the Apocalypse was a D&D adventure I have run, inadvertantly mirroring those episodes.

I took on the Holy Spirit and then in my mind willingly flew and then was flung beyond the edge of space-time more than once. A position that should be impossible to return from.

I even contemplated the inverse of the Holy Spirit, and then wove that concept into my tapestry (because from an absolute perspective it is only logical) and managed to worldbind myself in hell, nearly spiritless, and trapped in plancktime.

I set out to meet her, to have her, to protect her, to become a man she would love, forever and ever. Not realizing I was throwing myself through every impossible gate in one go to make it happen.

I halt now not out of fear, but out of compassion. For those who had to experience these plights with me, more tangibly than I did. I wonder if any of this was intended or necessary, and also if by doing it this way, if any of it needs be done again. I honestly hope no one needs to go through what I have, the sting of love so damn tangible as to alternate between ecstacy and soul crushing like waves on sandstone.

.....

I feel like a lot of people are playing a game these days. It is a game of hypnosis and control, assuming such tricks are universal, forgetting about the boy born blind.

In this way I can sense without seeing, able to pick and choose what neurololinguistic programming I accept or decline. Furthermore, I have the breathing room to encode these moves deeply, and a heart granted by God to use them wisely (most of the time).

I would love to show my love someday soon (dare I speak so boldly?) what one look into my eyes can do, when I am mid step in this dance of which I speak. To bring the world's perfect woman (by my estimation) to her knees with a glance would be like a dream.

And coming to realize the broad spectrum which this power, of which I am just barely becoming accustomed, can be used for... *shrug* I guess it could be much worse.

Until then though, I pine away. Throwing the secrets of establishments that might scoff at and attempt to supplant the will of God out to whomever I choose, as the trifles they are to me. Those same secrets that might unlock their prison doors and release them onto an unsuspecting world, so they can use their gifts to hasten the end I have in mind, by the paths the once victims see fit to take.