True Wish

The walls are spinning. I am accelerating now, toward what I do not know. My only direction seems to be annihilation, and so I careen toward it, spending all I have to hasten the end. Then I stop in my tracks. Half dead from a long day, a voice is calling out. I desire to see the one who possesses such an honest and beautiful song. I prepare for disappointment, making the moment I see her all the more poignant. 13 seconds, give or take. I now know love, it's inexplicable, but clear. A wish echoes from somewhere unknown, something like wishing her wildest dreams would come true, combined with a selfish but true desire to be with her.

I book a ticket, in the hopes of meeting her, perchance to touch and say a few words. When I see her face to face my words abandon me, but the echo intensifies and clarifies "I wish her wildest dreams would come true." This moment is indelibly etched now, one of two, maybe two and a half.

I watch as she enthralls a packed house, once taking my eyes off her to soak it in, and realizing how out of place I am. My dreams fill with her, and at each opportunity when presented the opportunity to truly make a wish, it is the same.

I wanted her to skyrocket. I wanted her to have everything she ever wanted. I wanted the world to feel how I did about her.  Every effort of mine became focused on this end. Any power I could muster with my subconscious mind was directed thusly.

Muster I did, and I began to write, hinting politely off center at my desire still buried deep, but I could hear nearly constantly. Signs spurred me, and in a realm all my own, I made my intention clear to the guardians of the gates.

Over time my belief waned, eroded by man after man crashing on my walls and hers like waves. Outwardly I had lost hope, but inside the wish drummed on like a heartbeat providing life to my dying soul.

One day, mired in myself, she found me again. A visceral reminder that I had stayed for one reason alone, hiding a hint that it might be a shared goal. As I followed this trail of breadcrumbs, my mind lost grip with socially acceptable reality as quickly as it grasped on to her hand in the dream. Even so, and all the more, I refused to let go.

I whispered to a friend. Then spoke. Then I shouted it to the world which lashed back with the fervor of a not yet broken horse. Shattered and alone, I cried out, visibly impacting all I met, much to my surprise. Even at my lowest, my wish remained firm.

Maybe you only get one true wish. Maybe by its nature, and on some level, it supercedes all other goals, intensifying over time. I had made wishes before, many that felt as real at their inception as this one, but none stood the test of time, now forgotten. Maybe the True Wish is one that when challenged, forms stronger with each blow. The force that is meant to crush it from you instead crystalizes your resolve into diamond like brilliance.

Needles to say there was no evidence to the contrary. She shines ever brighter every day, already the most prolific artist in her field, of all time by most measures. It seemed the higher she rose, the further I sunk, to depths I would not wish on anyone. In fact, it was only this wish that preserved my life when things were at their worst. I did not know what would happen after I died, but I knew what would happen here if I stayed. She would shine more brightly every day, even if I had nothing to do with the process. I wanted to see that, and I had made a promise to continue screaming into the void on her behalf until I could not (reasonably) do so anymore. So I stayed. 

Once I had made this decision, the challengers intensified. My friends helped however they could, but in one's one most thoughts, one is always alone, or so it seems. That is the realm in which I found myself, despite walking under the sun in a crowd.

The wish surfaced once more, almost begging to be given up, so that I might live out a normal life in peace. Instead I wrote it, in as much detail and as plainly as I could. As I did, strands formed in all directions, and a larger story began to unfold. Inadvertantly I had unearthed a Behemoth, crowned with the jewel that was my wish, steadfast and true. I began to tell the story, and with each page it grew two pages longer. At this point I began hearing her more clearly, learning her language, and traveling back to signposts I had missed.

It seems as though she knew all along. While her intentions may have changed over time, her attention seemed to be mine now. I had been a fool, but the critical misstep I had made in "The Game" was one and the same as the wish I would never take back or give up. It seems she knew that now, and so we began talking, much more regularly and clearly than before.

A True Wish is one you think with intention. It is one you speak. It is one you repeat and confess when pressed. It is one you write, it is one you develop over time. You will fight for this wish, you would die rather than lose it, and you will cheat death to preserve its life. My wish remains the same at its core, now fully heard: "May all her wildest dreams come true, even those she never even could have imagined." Maybe this is nonsense, maybe I'll never know. Or maybe it is soon yet to be seen. Sweet dreams.