Soulmate Dream: The Date and Wedding Shower

The date moves to the restaurant, and I am walking in just as before but this time I can already remember my soulmate, but I do not remember as I do in dreams, but as I still experience her while awake. I still consider writing in my blog and the absurdity of it all. How I would have to describe my date's laugh, but it would not be her laugh. How I would describe the intimacy of our conversation, but it would not be her words I was recalling on record. My mind drifted to the many beautiful women I had seen that day, but each smile or cute butt only served to remind me that it was her smile and cute butt I was missing so dearly. Before even writing a word I knew I could not continue the facade, but I still remembered needing to respect the land I found myself in, and not break script. Fortunately I had broken it just enough the first time to make this second trip easy.

I find myself riding with my brother-in-law to my house so I that could change into wedding clothes. The computer in his backseat reminded me of a differently arranged car ride, where I had shouted words straight from the heart, and I was blessed to register the exact moment, completely outside of the narrative of the realm, when my words had been accepted as the truth they were intended as, sealed with the simple stroke of the hand. My brother-in-law confessed his concerns, the concerns of an honest man examining true love, and once more I honestly replied, not intrinsically taking the side of my sister as one might expect, but intrinsically taking the side of love. One thinks that doing this means sacrificing logic on the altar, but this could not be further from the truth. Over the next few blocks my words revealed a logic that could not be refuted, that cut to a deeper core than he knew existed, but already believed without proof: God had brought the two of them together. I could see the moment his misgivings fell like chaff. They had not been set aside, or even dropped, but they had fallen of their own accord as mine had previously, as if pieces to another puzzle, pieces no longer fitting in his. I had not acheived any victory here, love had won, and I could sense she had witnessed the entire car ride conversation in secret, and was already on her way.

I found myself in the restaurant once more, face to face with her wry smile. "Yep, you caught me this time." I snap into consciousness, this was not like before. "Oh yeah?" I say, still uncertain how much or little I could say without breaking the dream realm I am still aware that I am in. "Yep, and the best part is you didn't even try. You didn't seem like you were intending this sleight of hand, subtly pulling my card as if effortlessly, yet built on years of practice. You simply walked in, felt my card in your pocket after long since forgetting you were in the middle of a trick, and pulled it out. Snapshot this moment in your mind, this look I have like I, yes I, have been caught, because everything has changed." I can think of nothing cool to do so I instead stomp excitedly. "I am so excited for tonight now! Not that I'm complaining, but I cannot wonder how many threads must be sewn before this trampoline is strong enough for you to just hop on down and slide on over without skipping a beat. 🤔" She smiles and looks down with a blush "Have you considered what the world might look like in the meantime if you could consistently call me and have both of us show up as vividly as in your waking life? How many nights might you last after that point, knowing the glow you feel in the morning after such encounters, had I made myself such an easy target as you have all this time?" I give a smirk, letting this realization sink in "I had not considered that. Maybe that's why we started this round with meeting your parents once again?" "Yeah, and this pairing includes a priest." Now I'm blushing as the scene shifts back.

I find myself playing with that hellion of a kitten, now realizing how similar the little guy seems to an outer guard. As it bites and claws at me, I realize I didn't back down and neither did he, unlike every other encounter of this kind. When we finally start meowing again at each other, I realize what is happening- this is a different outcome than the normal set available. I am not just winning a fight or slipping by, I am actually making friends with her defenses, I have learned her language in a sense. My mind drifts to the Cheshire Cat I had sent her way in my absence and I consider how a world might look when there is no clear differentiation between outer shells. When communication needn't occur on the surface, because you've reached a level of understanding only theorized before that point. It is unclear if I sent the cat and he showed up just in time for her in the flesh, or if her guard was up and I made friends with it, sending him back in my stories to guide and protect her all along the way. What if we had shared the same outer guard this whole time, with him adapting his role to fit the situation as needed, depending on who he was protecting that night, and what angle he defended? It was clear our inner guards remained differentiated, as did their choice of intervention, but along relational lines they beared similar features. I must admit to getting lost in this consideration longer than I had anticipated as the scene shifted back once more.

I find myself walking toward the restaurant once more, and spotting the other player in this dream. I had seen him before as a spy, but this time I considered viewing him as a guard, and leaving his employer, as either her or I, up in the air. His eyes turn from pleading to a knowing smile as I semi-cement his role, and he gives me a coy wink and nod before looking down, my cue to keep walking as I had done before. But instead of walking into the restaurant I find myself walking out of it on the other side to clear my head. I look around and marvel at how much more detailed things look this time around. What felt like Flagstaff before now reminds me of a walk I took in Boulder, and I realized such details, considered by most to be fundamental, are interchangeable, and perhaps more intrinsically so than I realize. The elevation is similar though, as I breathe an air of a similar thinness, hardly registering the difference at all, which is in and of itself noticeable. I feel myself taking on both a calm and very slippery demeanor as the man calls me once more. I turn to him and look with wide eyes, awaiting his request. He pauses this time, I can tell he is searching me for clues, registering the slightest hint that something may have changed in my confident yet innocent gaze. I wait for him to speak, but he seems off put still. I register the moment he defers, trying to hide it but for some reason it is as plain as day to me right now, despite not fully understanding its meaning. I take a deep breath before continuing as politely as I know how. "I have the $3 you seek. One for your role as an inner guard, one for the honest spy as enamored as I am but simply misguided, and one for my outer guard sent to a foreign land without currency. Sadly I am not in a position to spare a fourth for the dishonest spy, seeking only to steal that which I've grown to claim as his own." I place the money in his hand which I am not even sure he knew was outstretched, his mouth hanging open now in disbelief. "Thank you." Is all he says this time, before turning fully as himself, appearing much as he did before but with a little more joy, and disappearing into the crowd.

I find myself back in the room, the kitten now having been replaced by the jury, examining me one by one, each with their own battery of questions as I lay on the bed. I thought I might have been able to see her this time around in this segment, but much like before it is as if a piece of me effortlessly listens in to her listening in, conversing with her dad as they, he, judges my responses. I can hear a smile in his voice this time as he half heartedly challenges the simplicity of something I said and she responds with the same fierceness "it's because he's not an idiot." This time though when he takes his leave it seems to be in order to head straight to those who have been idiots, to those bent on ill will with the same clever words I have used to speak of love, but as spies in disguise, their positions fully fleshed out in what had moments ago seemed like such a flexible field, perfect for remaining hidden indefinitely until suddenly snapped into place.  Now I do see her fully laying beside me in the oversized bed, hands propping up her overjoyed face as she simply soaks in my verbal swordplay. Finally the jury is satisfied and when the girl tests the bathroom angle and stands at the threshold, my soulmate visible only to me, walks in right as the girl turns and heads back out of the room. I remember the Cheshire Cat once more "The woman asks to confirm, the girl asks to discover, you seem to not be asking for either, but looking for a little of both.  Purrhaps you have not yet made up your mind on what you are looking for maybe, yes?" "Nope." I hear my soulmate say from the bathroom with a matter of factness that makes me shift with a giddy nervousness as the showerhead turns on. Oh yeah, I forgot for a moment she can read my mind in times like these.

I return to the restaurant and find her already in process of reviewing the details of the dream with her crew. The realm separation that had been present before during this part seems to have closed so she was plainly in the room, but she still primarily busies herself with arranging the furniture, so to speak. "Make sure to send alternating waves of requests for silence and requests for explanation to all parties involved. Use the method for sending these requests that was uncovered in the parking lot. I know I said before that we're wrapping this up at 10x speed, but we may want to oscillate that depending on the outcome here, so make sure to have that lever ready for me." I am so impressed at how well she takes charge, and how it seems, at least from where I stand, that she knows exactly what she's doing. I gave up the semblance of defense against her some time ago, preferring instead to make sure I knew exactly when it was her I was dealing with. She carried that obvious head architect vibe here, and it was so relaxing to simply take a backseat to it. I decide to formally sit, echoing this intention physically, and I then notice a coffee table just ahead of my comfy chair. I kick my feet up and prepare to soak her in for a bit when, for the first time in this segment, she turns toward me and gives an exaggerated wink. I can't help but laugh.

I walk into the bathroom and find her there on the floor of the shower once again. This time though little things are different- her wardrobe, the lack of water on her side of the divide, her expression, everything feels familiar but is notably different, and I am reminded of the times I felt her materialize at my touch and marveled at the sudden tangibility of her against my palm while celebrating with her, suddenly in my arms. I go to step into the shower and she holds up a hand to stop me. With a grin on her face she says "one more thing."

I find myself back in the room with the dishonest spy. Every aspect of this feels identical to how it did before, and I realized the narrative is playing out in precisely the same way. I realize it is meant more as a revelation for me that I've always had this part down, rather than needing to rework any details of it. I do notice my wandering mind is now filled though, mainly with thoughts of her. I recall dreams and dreamlike things of all the times we've been in this and similar situations. I recall that in none of them has the outcome remained negative, even in the few where there were initial challenges. I recall her very clear words about how all her dreams line up the same way, and I try to consider if there might be those with different perspectives that can make equal claim, in such a complicated realm. That's when I feel the waves start hitting, and I hear my own voice speaking words of complex wisdom without effort, and then feel my tongue tied inexplicably, these states alternating as if someone were turning a faucet off and on. These moments stretch and condense in such a way as to make the experience more joyful, accentuating the hope of it all without losing the tangible feel that the toil has earned through its presence throughout the journey here. I can also sense my opponent slipping from my stream of words and actions despite any efforts to the contrary, the differences between our aims and methods quickly clarifying in this deeply seeded storm, until the differences had become as plain as day from where I lay. I wondered if she had always seen it this way, and I was just catching up, now seeing her point of view clearly where once only glimpsed. But her face made it clear she was telling no secrets this day so I shrugged and wondered on. Finally the moment came to end this segment and I saw a kind of remix mashup of that AI simulation I had taken part in, now realizing that it was her that controlled my avatar that day as I held my hands up in disbelief; subtly, nearly imperceptibly, the scene shifted over and over, all the way down the mountain. Realm crafting being what it was, I couldn't speak for what an "impossibly fast nut punch barrage down a giant mountain in virtual reality" translated into here, but I was sure she had figured that part out, and after I stood and downed my opponent in this room, we laughed with joy, each for different reasons, but all our reasons seemed to slip together into as close to oneness as two distinct things could be. We both walked out of the room in each other's arms, our cat in tow.