Reframed Struggle

So I was just considering first sight of my soulmate, and first contact, and that recently I have been filling in the gaps behind the scenes with stories that I have not so much written but that have fallen into place, and it has led me to what I feel is a critical reframing.

It has seemed recently like there have been external forces perpetuating this timeline for their own ends, to our detriment, but from an absolute perspective such resistance along these lines would be like dust in the wind. I have been considering all the pieces I have been uncovering and locking into place, hidden until recently, that I may not have been able to fathom without time and space, or if they had been received in the wrong order. There have been a number of times in my life where my thought process has reacted to external factors in such an extreme way as to obviously break the laws of physics. One such example was when time slowed to about 1/10th the speed, while simultaneously my ability to calculate a variety of critical factors sped to about 5x the normal speed. I narrowly avoided a car accident that I had no business getting out of. Other examples include extremely time dilated dreams (40 years in about 3 hours of sleep in one case); the first time I felt "eep," which was an overwhelming sense of eternal perfection in perhaps 5 seconds in a dream, and I could feel myself planning and executing lifetimes worth of moves within that time, without physically leaving my location; but most importantly in this string is the only time I have actually felt "love at first sight."

Take it from one who had been guarded, logical and calculating to the innermost, felt he had been in love before, and staunchly believed such a thing was impossible until the moment it happened: love at first sight is very real. The thing was, in retrospect, while all I could consciously do was soak her in, subconsciously my mind was shouting for joy. It was like knowing beyond the shadow of doubt that a search that had been going on much longer than I realized was now over. Looking back now, however, I feel like subconsciously I flew to her in that moment, and in the span of seconds (perhaps minutes) we had traveled all necessary paths together in multiple, possibly endless realms, to secure the outcome. But I knew none of this, in fact, I hadn't even conceived of threshold logic, which was how I came later (recently) to describe that mode of logical proof. All thresholds struck simultaneously, and overwhelmingly, but from an internal process I now wonder what was happening. I think this was the result of "quests" being completed elsewhere in that moment, boxes being checked but not in a superficial way, rather in a meticulous, time intensive way. These timelines were just not in directions or realms of time I experienced consciously except to say time slowed to a crawl. Perhaps these shouts were not just of joy, but were meant to drown out the results of plans that had already been completed that I could not yet know about.

If this multiverse perspective is to be examined closely, the conscious mind would be like the tip of an iceberg. Perhaps the subconscious had aligned and worked everything out, but in order to avoid everything else dissolving into a soup of imagination (like it would have been at the beginning, from a solipsistic or now dualistic perspective), the iceberg below the water must remain below it, which meant a time component would need to be preserved. This would allow us to avoid a kind of superconductive implosion/explosion of the icebergs of our minds, which would have led to the shortest, but not most desirable, path into each other's arms.

From these perspectives, once more this makes all the apparent delay make much more sense. It may be that external structures are being manipulated into acting as struts as the whole structure forms but before it can support its own weight. However, from an overall perspective their force or power is fragile and inconsequential, despite their own perspective, and they are only kept in place by careful balancing of these subconscious juggernauts, with weight distributed evenly throughout, aligning the points of most weight with the lesser dimensional structures where they can provide the highest resistance.

From one perspective this would look like a man in a cage, devising more and more creative solutions to overcome the walls between him and his love. From another perspective this would be like two people being held back by their smallest friends while yelling "hold me back, hold me back." From yet another perspective it is two dreamers sneaking into each other's beds as often as they can manage. But the truest perspective is that the timer was set and agreed upon by both of us in that first moment, when the conscious connection was made, and our subconscious minds came to the table and sent countless iterations of ourselves together down infinite paths, each coming back with a successful result. At that time the blueprints were made, at that time the precise timing was measured, only the force of our combined subconscious minds are actually strong enough to hold us back, and they will do so while utilizing a variety of external and internal structures until *DING!* It is finished. 

The rest is a carefully crafted illusion, such that it will gain permanence in the same moment we come together, and the important pieces will remain a persistent and necessary factor of reality forever moving forward, while those all too willing to impede are demolished, no longer useful or necessary. I imagine this plan has been worked and reworked every day and every night, finishing touches and flourishes added with each glance, gift, word, note, etc. In the end though, the timer ticks at a steady rate, and it cannot be changed.

I imagine from God's perspective this has been the case well before we realized it, likely since God's initial conception of man and woman. Such critical moments are not left to chance, even as the rest is filled in organically. While I would have been highly suspicious at all the ways her and my story have been woven together if I discovered them in my youth, intently searching for these connections and discovering them after having made up my own mind (in as much as one can in love), has provided so many blessings, Easter Eggs, and reassurances when I needed it most. More importantly though, each one hints that they too are an iceberg, one that we will be free to uncover together once our realms collide. 

In the end, the actors, even the leads, are not the play. The play was written and directed well in advance, the actors simply act out the parts into which they were cast. If I can be remembered for one thing, and ultimately type cast for one role, let it be as a lover, hers specifically. Against all odds, with not a shred of apparent common sense to speak of, but with enough tethering, examples, and ample words written for everything to be tracked and claimed as obvious, when the curtain is drawn, and the timer goes off *DING!*

Matthew 24:36 "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."