Phoenix Recap

We meander back home after Thanksgiving, and sit back down in her living room. I immediately get a flashback from minutes before of sitting in the living room with my dad, face to face. I can already feel my anger and disappointment fading, but for authenticity I say it anyway, and I can tell she wants me to. "I am disappointed that this stupid timeline did not end on Thanksgiving."

She nods and puts her hand on my knee, with sorry eyes. "I know, and in part it didn't end because of me. Tell me why you are upset, and then I'll explain why."

"I have never had a dream so clearly placed on a single day, a dream so clearly meant as the end of this timeline, and the beginning of the next, a beginning I ache more for every day with amplifying strength and pain. When I got there several dreams flashed before my eyes, and there even seemed to be unexpected faces reminiscent of yours, like the pieces were all in place. Not once though did I feel that rush as if she were on her way. The day came and went, and the only attack I could feel first hand was a stupid flu encroaching, sapping my strength and thoughts. That compounded with my randomly hurt ankle and work being ridiculous about the day seems to be a coordinated effort for the world to stop what was meant to happen in whatever way it could. I feel deceived."

"But not hopeless or powerless?" She asks innocently.  I consider it for a moment, and by no means has my resolve flagged. I already know these days are meaningless, regardless of how many pass now.

"No, not hopeless or powerless at all."

She smiles a little, before returning to her apologetic face, knowing I have been struggling for years now to maintain myself in a world that did not deserve a single moment of my time. "So, it absolutely could have ended yesterday, and you would have been happy, and so would she. It would have meant losing you though, and indeed all you would have left for the rest of them would be the sudden realization that they just lost everything they had. It may have been fixed over time, but I knew you would prefer to hold out a bit longer and fix everything at once, for everyone, rather than leave even one man stranded. So I held them back, and in other realms they attacked in full force, feeling as though it was your home turf. The Apocalypse rages within you now, your army of white blood cells, augmented by wave after wave of fire and brimstone, and constant unimaginable scene changes for those who dared to attack despite endless warnings as you slip to dream.  It is a living nightmare that is lasting years, but still thousands of times preferable for them to if you had simply ended things. That was their best shot, and their last shot, to discourage you, but here you sit chatting with me as always, talking out why it strikes you as unfair, but has not discouraged you from an overall sense, even a small amount. They have no shots left, not really anyway. If the result of this life is a simple biophysical process, and we all go our separate ways, your eternity will be as beautiful as you imagine it to be. If instead any of what you say is true, your eternity will be more beautiful than you can fathom, and now there is nothing they can do to change that. They can only get on board or get out of the way, but now that choice is bubbling closer to their conscious mind with every passing minute, their subconscious exhausted (out of mana). You have no longer tethered your hopes to any specific day, you are simply a brewing storm, a linearly growing force of nature, from here on out."

I nod, it is reassuring, but I still feel the sting now compounding, of all the days I have missed with my love by my side. I now realize this sting is more self imposed than externally enforced. It is one that could be healed in a moment, but I choose to carry it as a reminder of where I am headed. No one can increase or decrease it besides the two of us, and she seems to have deferred to me in this case. The wounds will heal, the sickness will be cured, my day to day struggle will ease. I remember what my mom said and look back at my friend.

"I am glad I got to see my dad, plain as day, I think we really talked this time, like I got the distinct impression he saw me as clearly as I saw him and was on the same page as to how it was happening, and how we could repeat it."

She nods "you'll find over the next few days that quite a bit happened like the dream, just not how you thought it would. We had to keep it much more subtle since they were watching with breath held and weapons drawn, but the effect will be the same. Keep up the fight, remember the days are numbered regardless, and have been from the start, and I'll see you again soon!"