The Complex Field of Self

I had a dream involving the examination of a deep code that must exist, so that the human mind can exist, shearing the edge of free will and compulsion. This got me thinking today about something that feels connected: the zone of self. 

I am picturing this zone as a field extending from one's physical location. Part of the necessity for this image, I believe, is that defining one's precise location feels nearly impossible. It might be said that a thought is one's will expressed internally; it might be said that a thought is the brain presenting an idea to the consciousness; it might be accurate to say that it is both. Consciousness is an emergent concept, so it cannot certainly be described as a component of the brain or body. How then does "self" extend beyond the borders of the body? 

The first thing that came to mind here was one's work. Most of us have a presence that is felt even when we are not present; in terms of work, this might be what one has produced, or the strain that is felt when one is not there when scheduled/expected. This field of self extends through family, friends, art, etc. as well. There are many many ways that a piece of oneself is felt when one is not physically present, and more of these areas come to mind as one thinks about it further. With enough data points, one can picture the field of self extended, and even persistent for a time after one leaves, returning nevermore.

The image of a pocket containing the field of self began to form in my mind, and it made me wonder: what could happen to this image when one dies? This pocket would be forever paired with another, and they would always entirely mesh: the field of not-self. This paired field would be complex, and would naturally possess a weighting within it, critical information beyond what simply location could provide. A group project at work or school, for example, would best be called both one's own and the possession of another or more, so the instance would be part self and part not self, in terms of weighting defined. If one examines this image, the juncture of death might be the field of self disintegrating from the middle out (no new inputs, annihilation), or it might be a destruction of the pocket surrounding self (if life contains consciousness, moreso than sustaining it). Overlapping these two distinct images in my mind, the complex image is cloudy at the moment, but drawing lines that connect the two feels as though it would create an image that would be functionally possible, regardless of which source image might be called "true," which in this case might be more accurately defined as "happens automatically at death." This is now completely reminding me of the conversation that I imagined having with Hope, where I tried to identify something certain about me from her perspective; the result being that "The image of me in your mind is real to you."

This complex image of self both withering and extrapolating simultaneously, in two distinct images connecting, feels hopeful. If the automatic and manual outcomes can both occur in this way, but the complex image is what is experienced and perceived by those one loves, then a realm shift would be possible, to a realm that actually possesses more weight, more meaning, than either possibility that led to it, that comprises it, and might be used in its place. In addition, this field of self would actually be more like the interference pattern between two intersecting projections of self, within the complex plane measured, and so finding a way to stabilize this complex image permanently could actually lead to something truly amazing happening, in a realm that might feel foreign to any other that one might already be familiar with, or is connected to it.