The Wanderer

If we are not our brain structure, and not the brain waves generated in said structure, then what are we? Perhaps we are a wanderer in a labyrinth, perhaps we are a wanderer in a storm, but underneath it all it feels like picturing oneself as a wanderer interacting with the external is a valid template to apply, even at the most foundational level.

In life it is often easy to assume that we are entirely bound up within life's struggles. How could this be the case from this perspective though, as these struggles are simply one piece of this external that the wanderer ventures through? It feels more applicable to say that this wanderer builds structures, structures designed of the external and occupied at times by the wanderer, a shell that makes life more familiar, perhaps more comfortable. It is in that building, both the process and the structure, that we find ourselves to be who we are today, often chained or at least tethered by the concerns around us. This is not too different from saying that our bodies, our routines, the identities that we apply to ourselves here are not "us" at our core, but are rather reflections of pieces of ourselves. These reflections are what is bound by this life, but the wanderer remains free to roam.

In this image I saw the wanderer roaming freely, still interacting as curiously as when they first arrived, with all that we encounter. Over time the "self" that we believe ourselves to be diverges from this wanderer and, for many, the distance and impedance between who we are and who we believe ourselves to be, the gap between wanderer and structures, grows to the point where communication between waking self and wanderer becomes faded, perhaps even cut off. I have described similar arrangements before, in terms of one's inner child becoming chained or muted over the course of one's life, but the primary distinction here, the thing I realized recently, is that they are unchained, the wanderer cannot be chained on this fundamental of a level. Rather it is our day to day selves that become chained, and in this process, from our most familiar perspective, we mistake a lack of communication to be their silence rather than our deafness to them, and a lack of their presence to mean there are imprisoned, rather than us. My dad used to say that every (man) feels this gap, the distance between who he is and who is meant to be, and while the wanderer may not have this location locked from the beginning, there is no force in this realm that can stop them, us, on this level from seeing this end. The main questions that remain are: will we still be in contact with the wanderer when they find it, and can we break or otherwise slip our chains to join them when they do?

Along these lines, if communication can be maintained, it feels like life is a paired/partnered adventure, along these lines, from our perspective, internally. We gain an advantage for having this wanderer within us, communicating back all the possibilities we might miss day to day. The wanderer gains an advantage from our more direct and thorough interactions with life, able to examine and direct the building of structures, in order to see how one approach or another might ultimately look. If these two perspectives remain strongly connected it allows for the optimal position to be found within the context of both what is known (living/waking self) and what might be (wanderer). While we must walk this world's path (to at least a minimum threshold extent, while living), the wanderer walks an idealized path, and we are not required to make the space between us difficult or without communication. It is often easier to ignore this gap, between where we are and where we could be, to prevent the pain of feeling it and in order to navigate between and around life's hazards, but the spark of life still seen and spoken by this wanderer is invaluable, even if the static on the line is hard to take, as I believe this spark has the potential to ultimately burn away these hazards instead, and reshape what remains into something wonderful.

While much of this may feel idealized and difficult to attain, especially given the state of the world today, I feel that one can see and aid these wanderers in others directly, in the case of children. Jesus says in Matthew 18:10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." This quote makes the most sense to me when seen in the context of this image, for it is this wanderer that remains close with The Father, and I believe they do so (as/similar to an "inner child") even after that child grows up and the distance between waking self and wanderer grows. In the case of a child though, it feels as though self and wanderer still walk together, communicating freely.

A friend and I recently discussed raising children, and all I had to directly reference in the conversation was theory. We had discussed trauma though, and its effects on one's path through life, and it formed an image of how even one mentor in a traumatic life can help significantly improve a person's path through life. I brought up the scenario I have written of, in terms of the P=NP issue, and how in that scenario all of consciousness gets stuck at the threshold of what is known, expanding this threshold one measured step at a time, as the algorithm either finds something it cannot solve, or realizes that it cannot find a problem it cannot solve, and then finds a way to solve that new problem, whichever it may be. In this scenario it is not the overall image that becomes static, but rather the rate of growth that becomes static, a state at its core, from any aware and observing perspective, which is essentially as static as the first. If this cycle of problem solving could be completed once per day, for example, imagine if every day you heard that one new thing had been discovered, and you knew that every day for the rest of your consciousness it would be no more and no less than one new thing that is discovered. While this may hold novelty for a time, over the course of eternity, I imagine even this would lose its charm.

I realized in our discussion that most individuals in life end up in a position that can be seen in this way, where each day is new, but each day is much of the same, if it feels like meaningful choices are being made at all. I once spoke of a static state to reality as a whole being like a kind of hell, but I'm now realizing that, in pockets, this state is much more common than I had considered, even here and now. A child, however, has the potential to upend this state, as they are unaware of the threshold others find themselves mired at. It feels as though this potential is delicate though, as too often children are separated from their wanderer by their parents/guardians, rather than their parents'/guardians' wanderers being found again through their children's new and unique perspective. 

I once made the analogy of children having a bike in the center of this field of what is known when they are born. While adults tend to plod along at the edge of the field, either static or making small strides, children have the ability to ride toward this threshold and, with the right assistance, ride straight past it in unexpected ways. It feels like this is true in life's self-made frontiers, but also somehow within an idealized plane where an omniscient/omnipotent approach is also being utilized. It feels like the optional thing a parent can do for their children is to help them make this bike, which seems to be best explained as giving them the tools to explore their interests and satisfy the curiosity they have for their environment in a way that maximizes effectiveness for the child long-term, which is to say that it is enjoyable, as well as effective/potent. Here I picture Elliot riding his bike with E.T. in the basket, but in this analogy it is the rider that can make the bike fly, and as the parent, as E.T., you're just along for the ride, marvelling at all the things that an approach as unfettered to life as possible can reveal, past the threshold where you previously felt impossibly stuck.

It feels like in this process a child can walk (ride) closely with their wanderer for much longer than they might otherwise. It feels like in this process a parent's wanderer might be found along the journey. While speaking largely of an idealized field here, while operating in a non-idealized field there is utility to being able to navigate and teach the navigation of a field that contains hindrances, to break the cycle or mold set by one's own upbringing/nurture, while still imagining this idealized field and what it could hold for one's self and one's family. I believe children see this idealized field already, so it is not a matter of teaching them as much as it is encouraging them to explore it, so that this "bike" might be crafted. Call me a dreamer, I'd count it a compliment; dare me to keep this perspective with children of my own, I'd count it a blessing; but do not underestimate the potential of an adult who has managed to keep this childlike wonder alive, and their wanderer just a call away.