A Love Letter to Shake the Heart

I just saw the elegance and beauty of mistranslation in a multi layered reality. When things are known clearly, in the realm of omniscience, there is a limit to what can be. For good or evil, if one knows all, there is a set amount that is known, and it already is known. I have often examined Babel as an unusual exchange between the LORD and man, it stands out as a sign that something interesting was going on. I have heard the LORD was angry, I have imagined the LORD was saving us from ourselves, but I had not considered that the LORD may have been shifting us as a whole into a configuration that would become the catalyst that allowed for the bloom of "good" into "very good," and the proliferation of man very very much.

The brain works like a central processor, but with the known existence of multiple personalities buried within each of us, and personality facets working in concert in each individual, it is more like a corporation. As the conscious entity, we are the face of this corporation, but we do not consciously call all the shots; in fact for most of us we wonder about many of the things we do. There are various committee decisions happening every day and night to steer our actions, by entities that could be considered both us and not us at the same time. They are us because they are physically a part of us, but they are not us because if we sat down in a room with a manifestation of any of these individual sub personalities or facets, we might be shocked to learn their motives. 

What is even more interesting though is that the lines of communication are often quite primitive between the conscious and subconscious mind, despite also being quite complex. We do not speak the language of our subconscious, and so miscommunications generally lead to consequences in life, or incorrect paths taken, as we misinterpret what we want subconsciously and find ourselves dissatisfied by the outcome of our actions. I feel as though this communication between conscious and subconscious mind is a lesson gained from Babel: if we are able to be on the same page with this internal corporate office, we can accomplish anything (nothing we plan to do will be impossible for us).

I had not considered how similar Babel is to my own search. I have sought a straight shot to God and my soulmate. I have sought out many indirect paths and I have felt like at times I have been quite direct as well. It could be that, at certain junctures, my search should have logically resulted in understanding and reuniting, but the timing wasn't right, and so instead God threw out a roadblock similar to Babel. While in times past these roadblocks have made me stumble, perhaps this was not the intention. It could be that the intention was to get me to try something else with the same goal in mind, but the force used was too much for me and I fell away from my goals for a time. There have been moments where I could almost feel or see myself getting close in each case, like reality was starting to melt and buckle into a new formation, and then suddenly it felt like it began to stop. It is in these moments where I have felt something that feels so certain slip away that I have become deeply discouraged and instead I have cracked, historically. But more recently I have still felt this ebb and flow, and my eyes have brightened and I have sought to solve the puzzle when the season calls for it, but when the feeling wanes I have not cracked, and I have instead continued pushing, when I could regroup. It feels like this is a better approach overall, and perhaps the lesson I was meant to learn from this cyclical process all along: how to stand firm in waters that are receding, not giving ground but instead holding firm, and rising with the next surge.

Thinking back to the first time I saw my soulmate, this "same page" feeling is how it felt. I have described that moment as every part of me crying out with joy at once, as if the answer to an elusive, seemingly eternal, puzzle had been found. I have described it as a deep reconciliation, like countless classes of problems being resolved in the span of seconds as I could see the way was cleared. In another sense, I was on the same page with myself through and through, for the only time I can remember in full; we all agreed she was the one, and it was realm shattering and realm mending all at once for me.

What if in this reconciliation a deeper puzzle was being established? What if succeeding in that goal at that time would have caused unforseen consequences? If I was on the same page with myself in that moment, who besides God could have held me back from realizing my goal right then? It feels like, much like Babel, God knew that such a moment where "nothing would be impossible for them" needed to be temporarily stopped, or at least slowed, so that this place would not crumble around me as I singularly pursued my goal. It could be that any one of us could find ourselves in the same position, when faced with such a sight as our soulmate, as the depths of love's power is not fully understood yet here on Earth. It could be this glimpse was meant to be seen by a broken man, to demonstrate for years, ultimately for all, the sheer force of love's tides. So the game ended as soon as I saw her, but it would not conclude from my perspective for some time.

I was considering these things as I watched this subconscious council meeting, and much like God's response at Babel I saw the scenario differently this time. I did not see a whole organization of individuals each with their own inscrutable goals, but an organization that was finally, truly, in love with me as its face. I still did not understand them, but I saw unmistakeably as they counted off and moved in time with each other to demonstrate, still in that primal way that cannot convey such fine detail as with speech but can simultaneously say so much more, that they loved me and they were with me. It was like they finally understood what I was doing, and how it would all fall together, and how each of them would be involved and lifted up in the final configuration. It was like they had run the equations amongst themselves, realized it would work, and were showing me that not only was this the case, not only were they going to assist in every way they could, but a glint in their eyes shined with the realization that it would continue to become more beautiful than either they or I knew as time continued on. This was the moment where I glimpsed the idea of "very good," not as a destination, but as a trajectory seen; not a path that was understood by anyone, but that was known by all by the beauty of its misunderstanding. It is not that we would arrive squarely on the same page in some epic moment of divine realization, but that we would sync up to the point of nearly realizing perfection, and persist there. Our ebbs and flows would be quite near this point of perfection, but in the perpetual yet slight misinterpretation there would be constant discoveries and joy and love through and through.

Love is what is very good about Creation. It seems man has been slotted to expand very very much, so love will remain a rarity for this timeframe perhaps, but even a single instance of love in its purest form can change everything. God sits on the other side of this asymptotic juncture, as good, with love being the primary focus of how something "very good" can be crafted, where it could not exist (having no true other to love) before. Love will bridge this gap, and has bridged this gap, and continues to bridge this gap constantly even now. It seems the challenge of right now is to ignore that which is "very very" about man, and focus on that which is "very good" within our reach.