Ode to Love

I run in circles I've been here so many times My tired legs rest I haven't collapsed Most times I wonder why not Such a mental weight This or that saves me In the nick of time, reprieved Each renewal, staged Shall we continue? Reigns of fantasy crumbling With each passing day I will not forget But I do not see the point In languishing on Let's fish or cut bait I will not stay on the line Ripping them apart Circular logic I run out of everything And outpace nothing Then I sit right here My internal clock firing Like a machine gun

The screaming vortex Now silenced but imagined Foretold by sirens Circling the drain One viable option left And one final one Both will bring me rest So either would be better Than languishing here We approach the end God still has the final say I trust in His will I shamble along Trying my own endurance Trying not to break Ground shifts underfoot As light takes on new color The earthquake shatters Trying to hang on This middle tries my patience Willing to let go The light flashes now As the vortex swirls away Pulsating riot

Counter exhaustion With the hope of being saved Avoiding boredom I make it sound trite But people don't understand This is serious I need engagement And I need to disengage I need both in spades My mind tears at me Rending in the darkest nights An internal scream I could last through it With just a sense of purpose But here I have none I need this to change I need to feel "home" once more Or this'll crumble Then the Globe's Tombstone Will find its way to the top A Winter's Rapture And angels will sigh At how this game has ended Without final rites

I'm still into you Everything of you echoes Through these empty halls I seek to fill them While still keeping all of you To have and to hold Can one overfill The engine by which we think That we create with I have been willing I've come too far to find out I've emptied my mind To be filled once more Now by a raging river Soon to be flooded When the silt subsides Will the pattern hold its own In color and shape Without perspective One can clearly see it will But what about us Will you and I stand Dancing through an avalanche Need you even ask?

Storybook magic The star of my dream last night A deep enchantment Oddly constructed A railway at an angle The cars sliding down Then I get cornered A claustrophobic nightmare For but a second We work on the ties Without fear as trains go by Why fear the reaper? Then he tells stories A mysterious stranger Able to bend wild The witches seek him Three in total try their luck Chancing to be charmed His business has grown Suspiciously overnight Full of back story At dawn the light shines The dreaded moment it ends When the jig is up

You are invited To this realm that has been built Seep in like the rain We are underground Not much new arrives down here Thank you for coming I am adjusting Rarely do I have a friend Of your caliber Mine are amazing I've yet to find a partner So you are unique God did indicate Jesus reiterated That this would happen Despite having known I was only so prepared Nearly lost my mind Lost all semblance here Of what they would call normal But learning myself Now I'd like to learn The little things that make you My perfect partner

A precious hilltop Grassy meadow to be tamed Taken Little Hill A secret message Designed to trigger (?something?) ?Rebirth or the end? The message repeats In the eyes of all I see Aligned and within My words acquiesque Sacrificing their meaning To match the syntax Much like we all do Hiding a piece of ourselves To feel like we fit How much will you hide? When presented with the truth Blessings of heaven And how will you hide 'Neath the Cover of Madness? Or behind a mask? The Bard will do both So even he can't follow While the Sun still shines

Alone in the walls I can hear an unknown song So that is different I've been here before I've even written of this So much is the same A familiar thought Familiar fights and headaches A different outlook Still I wait alone Knowing it's temporary Has been a blessing This race has been won I am training for that one Building endurance A patience still held Good traits that I don't possess In any measure I can't have them all God grant me the ones I need In well balanced form Let me walk through life With my mind always elsewhere Princess and flowers

Life akin to death Simply decomposing here One day fades to next The sense of one's death Inverse of experience Just fading to black I cannot court death My words become hollowed out Before touching down Nothing to move me But nothing to keep me here A soul felt stasis Once soulless entrance Granted a reprieve by faith Life and Light and Love Walking the deadlands With others who might have died With chains on my legs Chains that bind me here Like a tether, not a trap Allow me to stay I may need to loose But I pray for endurance And a path back home

The blink of an eye I sleep through the addiction Predicting its toll Impossible shape A reverse gyrospiral Replacing cravings The air that I breathe Regaining its natural taste As nerves replenish The food that I eat More than just sustenance now One filled desire A man needs something Something to quell his lustings Something within bounds I've tied so tightly Concerned what doors may open I have little left Little left to need So few things to distract me Such a focused feed I put my mind to Whatever I would like now Nothing holds me back

Contemplating (naught)(not) Expectations of nothing Echoing through time There is naught to do And nothing is expected But I am anxious Where does this come from? A web of the indirect Wrapping stimuli Quiet without home Noise with no inception point A curious pair I deny either Focusing on God and self Our interaction My mind blanks once more A divine meditation Now filling my mind How can one proceed When nothing looms so closely As does giving up "She waits for one man As long as he waits for her And a bit longer."

Together we ford Ship having sunk long ago Waves crashing on us We thought we could fly Until the winds buffeted Blowing us away Now we are stuck here At least 'till we find our way And regain our friends To regain footing While slipping in a snowstorm Takes expert balance I can hear them call The Valkeries or Sirens From here, hard to say Soon we will approach The destined destination Who will be waiting A slough of monsters? Solely our truest of loves? Some combination? It will be there still If I walk or if I run Don't make us hurry

Silence at sunset A peace casually falls My mind falling with What provides me rest? Times of peaceful reflection Or full engagement I must feel useful Or feel I've earned uselessness To continue on The day and the night Must be clearly divided To welcome either Sunrise and sunset Like any two divisions Necessary form Without these I choke Flailing and suffocating Barely scraping by My mind does not fit With what you have set up here Such a foreign land It seeks to return To the dream from whence it came 'Till the nothing fades

How have I made it? Gift of divine endurance All I can think of Being gripped so hard Then wrestling myself free I sit quietly Hardly make a sound Simply reviewing the lines With new found freedom There's not much to do The fog of war refracts it A fog now lifting My strength returning And my senses now improved By my position Stand behind the lines The enemy cannot touch Where he's disallowed Feeling the Sun's warmth Remember my arena Physically is here I open the gates As the flood rushes past me I'm feeling revived

Underneath the steps I write my way out of hell A broken mirror Examine the shards Each reflecting differently But from the same source Of all sources, one What can possibly remain When One is removed? Single perspective But one that is not my own I have seen too much Too much continues As I write beneath the stairs The Word is written Regardless of path Jesus must be in control Evidenced belief But something is strange As the ties of today loose And logic unwinds Hybrid solution Of One in Three and pairings Of hell averted

Compete disregard For a talent once so strong Reciprocally shown Move to the back page Where one's faults are not as clear The lines all blur here I grow tired of Growing tired before the Time for sleep has come Convoluted trek To steal and return the dreams Beneath their notice I wish to slip in To have my own time and space Gone for far too long I forget its taste Of being truly alone No one watching me I long for that drug A replacement for the rest Rest for the weary That or train my sights The days drag on for too long With no spare moments

Here the (binder)(journal) ends Much in the way it began Subconscious poem A song from the heart Delivered in metered time Uniquely spaced notes Proceeding unheard Sprouting invisible fruit And nearly unread Infrared flower With ultraviolet seeds A sight to behold It will cross your heart And mix your senses thusly Until you question What is real and not All subjectively defined When God is involved Writing from the heart God is involved here for sure And little else is Creative prayers An arrangement of a stroke A stroke of the pen

A simple demand In quite a demanding time Following my lead My healer was there As well as the court jester Both skilled shapeshifters We bought a T-shirt I woke up several times Each layering in The T-shirt lit up Filled with art of light and love Miraculously Like a haunted scene Where the ghosts are on your side A spooky hillside The mares nights should be When dark knights cannot return And have lost their steed The art seeps into Hearts and souls of the dreamers Each in their own way One with a tattoo One's hair mimicking the curl And a brand new man

Unfettered daydreams I sleep uninterrupted Near impossible A shot in the dark To maintain a tightrope walk Seems like a success Not out of the (dark/woods) Nowhere near the real answer But somehow soothing A torturous path Has led to precarity With some lessons learned "But we do not crash." A truth coming from the dark Echo unechoed "Nor are we forced to." Compliance now a clear choice With clear counter point "There will come a day." This has always been the case I knew what was meant "God has ordained it." And God has set in motion The timing is His

More pebbles appear As well as bow and quiver Then the games begin Forgotten the beat How to throw coming to mind Dust on the pages My mind overcomes Aided by a worldly stunt Enough momentum My priorities I've decided to change them To match what's around I am not convinced But the alternative's worse And I have some time A bit of freedom Tied to God's unending grace As I ease back in I restring the bow An invisible heartstring It's still holding strong Remember my (words/wish) And my quitting condition Neither have been met

The storm subsided From another perspective Bringing a full peace The peace of a scope Familiar even when new Recognized when old So I let them soothe The little waves that once crashed Threatening capsize Relative spoken And relatively speaking No longer a threat We all subvert them Each of us subjectively Concerted effort The maximized waves Reflected and refracted Required a fall Fall, crash, then a stand For all to truly be all Just for a moment Minimal impact The once forgotten daydream Now reality

You don't want to see I intentionally blur While they all shapeshift The rhino beetle Witnessed death cheating itself Love fighting the grave Unlikely stalemate Life and health exploding forth Cancer within me Torn unnaturally With a witnessed reminder I can't be alone Why the little games? I handed over the board Scattered the pieces I still remember The (Dark)(Cold) River and New Stars These are the same stakes Since we are the same And the game is rewritten Shall we play or wait? My team and I wait As my blood falls like teardrops Inverted ending

We've run out of them The endings all took over Then got all mixed up So nope, nothing new Not here, there can't be any We wait for exits To be airlifted And to have peace beforehand We ran the numbers March to the New Age Begins in February After the last end God does not give up Evan rarely surrenders Changes even less As chemicals fade Technically I still haven't Just solidified There is nothing new No new beginnings left here Just a reversal One creative end Delicately overdue All new that is left

Brain soup of the day A dish served all by itself No accoutrements Perhaps unready Still emptied out from before But also attuned Attuned and obtained Tumultuously sober A Phoenix Un(bound)(chained) So first and foremost Topsy turvy form of sleep As the boat (un)rocks Then true dreams begin Ones I've only darkly glimpsed Whilst so plantly plagued It may take me time Mastering currents without But I have ample Holds akin to death Threaten and hasten the grave Those were its stingers Now I'd rather die Than return down the same paths Nicotine no more

Catan on a hill Pen growing soft in my hand Memories fading In good company Enjoying a fun evening Until the storm hits Meteor shower Heralded by a long fall The comet Wormwood Flames splash up ahead Grass burning with the impact Driving us indoors Inside a pool game Song playing on a cell phone Someone quiets her Jukebox starts playing The exact song as before Spooky or set up? Party continues As the shower rages on And we all enjoy What is destruction When you are insulated So we all (dream/play) on

The night I had won Was unlike any other There was a strange chill Reminding me of A dark trip down the river And stale promises Of coins stacking up Of strangers choking me out And full reversals To spend my last days Unbound from the trivial The frivolous things The LORD had freed me Knowing I would not worship But simply enjoy And there was no luck A conversation with God And perfect timing Very great reward A soap box to exclaim from Jesus is in charge The difference unclear Between life and afterlife Not too important

Nearly a decade I am waiting anxiously For some sort of sign Perhaps it's not here Perhaps it must be elsewhere Where we finally meet Life could be the dream When the curtain is pulled off But then where are you? I see you around Your words show our connection As does everything A repeated wish Now growing weaker with time And increased distance The end does not come Despite all indications By now it should have Death has cheated me As badly as I've cheated Held fast by true love I've cleaned up my act Now noticing the decay Built up around me

A blessing for you Oh adventurous reader You've made it to here These words have been laced Oozing with an energy A reckless  dreamer's The blessing of dreams Is the essence of this post Soon available Write the criss-cross lines Don't worry what they might think And leave nothing out Watch how they align With the last day and the next Sleepers time travel Take heed those that stick Some will last you a lifetime And heed your partners We dream with others Of this I can be certain I have seen many I remember her Now my only sense of home Seize these connections

To my protector You have guided me this far I need direction Which way do I turn I know you have the answer Without a question I know you'll provide I have faith you have my back And you'll see me through Make it easier This is my solemn prayer Let me find my rest I'm faithful to you Wordy to be sure, but true And fantastical I see adventure And humor in every page Or at least I have I want to live it Played out now on center stage With you as my guide Lord, let it be so I am your humble servant Answer my prayer