Return Home- The Embodiment of Emotion

My day starts later than they have been recently, and I wake up to the warmth of the house's heater, accumulated over these post dawn hours until it enough to wake me up. My day starts lazily, reheating leftovers from the Christmas meal shared, and already thinking about a nap. Then I remember, I do have one errand to run.

I walk the long gentle slope, the one that takes me past the ice cream place on the corner before reaching the main road.  Right as I am crossing that parking lot, a car cuts in front of me. This is not unusual on these streets- drivers are as bad here as anywhere, sometimes worse- but this one stops, blocking my path. I furrow my brow, and begin to go around, when the back window rolls down and I see The Embodiment of Emotion. Immediately my mood changes, and my jaw drops. She says "Get in!" Without a second thought I do, opening her door as she slides across the backseat. I close it behind me and remark "What in the world!? How are you here?" 

"I felt like getting livered today, remember?"

I glance toward the front seat, to see that there is an opaque divide. Remembering back, the outside windows were too darkly tinted to see through either. As the driver starts to get us back onto the street, I shift my attention back to my partner. "I am so glad that you showed up now, when you did. Who knows how my day might have gone otherwise!"

"Mundane at best, derailed at worst, I'd imagine. We've been keeping a close eye on you, so I have a good idea how it has been going."

The driver seems to already be taking us somewhere, so I pay no mind to the journey.

"How have you been? You referenced an unresolvable situation when we last parted ways; it had me concerned."

I see the fire in her eyes as she replies. "This is how we are resolving it. One more story before year's end, to defy expectations, reset pathways, and reconcile unresolved gaps."

"Hmm, 'reconcile,' I like that."

She squints suspiciously at me, and then her expression changes to playful and excited. "I think you'll love what we have in store for today."

Quite soon, the car stops. "We're here!" My partner smacks my knee and hops out of the car, moving toward the trunk. I get out as well, and am immediately overcome by deja vu. She has brought us back to the park where I recently fell apart, a park that I wouldn't even know how to find on my own. My mood shifts to sullen once again, but my partner is undeterred and loops her arm through mine after she finishes her business in the trunk.

"I know how you must feel about this place, but you have no idea how everyone else feels. Consider this a legitimate overwrite, regarding a past experience that you are owed for, significantly."

I sigh, and remember that a day spent by my partner's side is one worth cherishing regardless of circumstance. Besides, I trust her, and specifically trust her savvy when it comes to addressing spiney matters such as these, matters of my heart and mind.

"Lead on."

She walks us boldly to the center of the park, under a great tree, possibly maple. People turn and look, but I sense that it is because of the stunning beauty of who I am with, rather than any residual memory of that day. I realize, as we're stopping, that virtually no one would carry active memory of me on that day anymore, and even those directly interacted with might not recognize me anymore, unless it was part of a greater narrative being wrangled, as suspected. Looking around now though, I sense no ill will from the visitors to this park, and that is enough for me to relax.

"Help me with this."

I take two corners of our picnic blanket, and together we lay it on the grass. Already, I feel subconscious stress regarding this place easing, and being carried away. It is unreasonably warm, about 60(F) degrees, perfect for a picnic. I realize, as she sets out the food that she has graciously provided, that I would never have returned here on my own. It would have remained an internal scar, one in a long line of others, that I have adjusted to, but with no hope of healing. Instead, it would seem, she is of the mind to heal this one, and perhaps more. As I sit beside her, as she finishes setting everything in place, I notice the sandwiches.

"Wait, did you get these from the best sandwich shop in town?"

She smiles coyly "Of course. I did not feel like preparing anything myself, and wanted nothing but the best for us on this day."

"Apparently! It all looks amazing."

It all is amazing. We sit cross-legged on the blanket, eating happily and talking about her path to get here, the added layer we've added with this page, everything, it feels like. I watch the sparkle in her eyes, like a song. The sparkle of her starry eyes is unmatched, and she shifts to them so often. I wonder how she does that, as my moods so often anchor and find themselves unmoved, but she seems to have joy on a hairpin trigger, just beneath any mood she might be in. I find myself filled with her contagious joy, and soon enough we are laughing, without an external care in the world.

The happenings at the park amplify bit by bit, subtly in the background, until they begin to encroach on our position. First a wayward frisbee lands maybe 5 feet from our location, and a college student runs over to retrieve it, with a lighthearted apology and dismissal exchange. Next, a small dog runs over and sniffs at us both, and a bit at the food, with the owner rushing over not far behind. We both pet the cute dog, and my partner asks what breed they are when the owner arrives, while still petting the dog. Finally, a family sets up their blanket a modest distance from ours, within earshot but just barely. It is lively, much like the other day, but this time the energy is entirely different for me. The family brings back memories, and I can tell that my partner senses the shift. She approaches delicately, but with determination.

"You still remember that day well, don't you?"

I nod.

"What was it you saw?"

I sigh. I realize that I have not given this account thoroughly to anyone yet so, in a sense, this is novel information, perhaps like a confession.

"I saw a narrative from the not too distant future, like The Phoenix realm but on a worldwide scale. Everyone was forced to participate in a gameshow, almost like a death sport. I heard the whispered commentary, as if it were trying to be hidden from me, to not influence the outcome of the game. I felt the focus of the audience shifting from family to family here, and if I did not interact with these families, something horrific would happen to them right after they left the park. I did what I could in that state, unable and unwilling to let innocent people become victims to the things I was hearing. I was exhausted though, and certainly awkward in my attempts to interact."

"That's enough."

I nod, and sit back, resting on my hands. The sun shines just barely in my face, through branches of the tree that we are under, and I relax once more. "I feel like I am getting better at managing these states in myself. Even that instance was carefully choreographed, in order to happen at all."

"You are also getting better at identifying, punishing, and rebuking those thoughts that try to pass themselves off as yours, but are actually direct attacks. This is very helpful in moving things along."

"One thing I will say, as I even wrote a reminder to myself to do this." I sit back up and lean in toward her. "You and I have been through so much together, on page and in dream. This has not slipped beneath notice for me; every time I see you we are fighting a war, it feels like."

I see that this revelation surprises her, and is starting to make her emotional, but I am of no mind to stop.

"You are such a bright and happy person, whenever you can be. I want you to feel at ease to be that here with me. I brought you to my town, in a sense, so that you can relax and get away from the pressures of your life. I do not want to replace them with the pressures of my own. I have appreciated your help every time, always, but I suggest that we set the fight aside for the day, and enjoy ourselves."

Her eyes start to water; I can tell that she was expecting something else from this day, and certainly was not expecting such candor. As soon as she goes to wipe a tear from her eye, I scooch to her side and give her a hug. We stay like that in silence between us, with the sound of others playing and laughing, and the sounds of birds, all around. After a minute or so, she disengages, and her face has brightened once again.

"Agreed! What would you like to do after the picnic?"

So we finish our sandwiches and other food items, and speak of plans around town. The park continues to encroach, in a welcome way. Before we leave this place, my mind wanders once more to what it was to me, versus what it is now. I feel that a poem would cement well this transition.

"A wound kissed away

With such a simple gesture

From the right person

What once weighed heavy

Has been imbued with lightness

Now like a balloon

Let us let it go

Watch it soaring out of sight

We might see it pop

Or we might find joy

Turning attention away

Back to starry eyes

We shine much the same

All the same, we are different

Delightfully so

Let me find a piece

One of mine that fits snugly 

Within your puzzle

Now puzzle is ours

We will wrap edges around

Until it's complete

Until this is real.

I will read these very words

To you in this park."

She does not stop staring at me throughout, leaning close. As soon as it is done she exclaims something, like a chirp, and wraps her arms around me in nearly a pounce. I hoped my last thought was not confusing, but it seems that she grasps the gradients that I apply to "real" quite well. "Agreed. Shall we go to this candy shoppe you spoke of?"

I nod and we pack everything up, making our way back to her car. I try to catch a glimpse of the driver, keeping a stoic guard from the front seat throughout, but the tinting prevents me. Then I remember Waymo, and wonder if she somehow brought such automation up here. Either way, by the time we are in the car and she calls the next stop through the glass, my mind settles squarely back on her.

"Would another poem be too much to ask so soon?" She flashes me her version of doe eyes, quite cute in their own unique way. "Of course I will read one for you, let me gather my thoughts." She plops her head on my shoulder, as I once again gather words into suitable verse, and the car proceeds, without any effort from either of us.

"Sweet like candy, and forever loyal

I feel you guarding both my heart and mind

I made no mistake calling you royal

You traits are marvelous and hard to find

Juxtaposed are your sharpness and kindness

You shine with joy, without hint of a mask

If my memory succumbs to blindness

Your lips would remind me, no need to ask

How long have we come? It will not compare

To the time we will have together yet

'Till princess is secure, climb not one stair

True to this day, words from before we met

I want you here, starry eyes seen firsthand

Details imagined, dreamt, penned, but unplanned."

When I finish, she says not a word, nor does she move a muscle. I begin to wonder if she has fallen asleep, so I give her hand a squeeze. "I am not asleep," she says quietly, as if blissfully, "I'm just enjoying this moment." I do not interrupt, but simply rest my head upon hers, as our car snakes through town to our destination.

We arrive downtown; dropped off at the front door. My partner says as we exit "We can take it from here." Without a word in reply, the car drives off and out of sight. I stare as it leaves,  still with no indication of who, if anyone, might be driving. I open the door for her and her eyes go wide as soon as we enter.

"Wow! There is so much!"

"Totally! And they have unique sodas and stuff as well."

We peruse the selection of candy and fudge and miscellaneous items. We are drawn to the selection of tiny personalized license plates, but cannot find either of our names. She strikes up a conversation with a college student, asking if she has any other recommendations for what to do in town. Finally, we make our exit, with candy and a candy apple in hand. As we get onto the street, and she pauses to take a bite, I cannot help but stare at her. She presently possesses an innocent beauty and, against the sunset backdrop, it is captivating. She turns and looks back at me, and her eyes go wide. "Do I have something on my face?" I laugh with a bit of a blush "No no, it's not that. I was just soaking in... the moment." She blushes as well, and attempts to return to her naive state and position from just a moment ago, but to no avail. I do laugh though, which causes her to smile from ear to ear. "Come on, let's head back."

We walk the downtown streets, toward the sunset and my apartment. The narrative ends, almost as if we step from page to my waking world, through a narrow gate, on the way back.